Real Nightmare

It’s 7 in the morning, you’re in your bed, then suddenly sleeping on your bed, you hear very loud and irritating sound, like there are so many people around you. The sound of people, what they’re talking, noise of buses, autos, crowd, like you’re standing in the middle of the road. But your eyes are still close and you’re trying to ignore this unwanted sound. Suddenly you don’t feel as comfortable in your bed as you normally do. It’s no more warm and spongy. The bed is feeling like so rough and hard, like the floor of your home. You’re feeling uncomfortable. Now, there is one more weird thing happening. You’re feeling cold, like you’re naked on a cold winter night, you start shivering. Like you don’t have your blanket that you always use to warm yourself through the tough winter nights. There is a thin shawl on your body, that is doing nothing to keep you warm. You’re totally in shock and shivering like hell.

Now you wake up, cause you can’t sleep anymore. You’re totally in shock looking around. You’re on a footpath of a very busy road, like feeling weird and embarrassed at the same time. You notice, there is a woman who is cleaning the road near you with a broom. You’re inhaling the dust. You see near your feet there is ashes of woods, like you burnt them last night to keep you warm, but it didn’t help much. Everyone is looking at you, making talks about you that you’re so poor and alone, but you are not right.

Now you put your hand in your pocket. And you find that you got no money. Empty pocket. You look around and see a tea stall, you think a cup of tea will help you a lot to tolerate this freezing cold morning. You’re thinking that, you’ll go to that man, the owner of the stall, ask him for a cup of tea, and promise to return the price of a cup of tea as soon as possible and he will give you easily. Now you’re in front of the owner, without even saying anything, he says, he wouldn’t give you anything. You’re shocked cause you didn’t even ask for it. You ask why? He replied, I knew you beggars very well! But you’re not a beggar right? And that’s what you tell him, his reply is still same.

You’re shivering so hard that you tell him you’ll wash his utensils and he has to give you a cup of tea and some biscuits. Now you’re washing utensils, with the freezing cold water, and thinking what happens to you? Why your life is so hard, where are your family and friends. You have to wash them for a cup of tea, you have actually never done this before. You never want to do this again. You’re so alone and crying that this has to end.

Unfortunately, you woke up and give a sigh of relief. It was just a bad dream. A bad dream. You’re still on your cozy bed, with a warm blanket and no unwanted people looking at you. You thank God that this was a nightmare not reality. And here you have a cup of hot tea…

Have you ever thought that life that you’re afraid of living, there are thousands of people around you, who actually live that hard life, no food, no bed, no blanket just living their life in such hard conditions. Have you ever paid attention to them? I don’t know, I just wanted to write this so badly. A little boy comes to you and asks for some money, you just boycott him, I know you have seen ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ and those gang and planing thing is in your mind. But what if that boy really needs money? For a cup of tea? I don’t think so. Your 5-10 rupees are worth more than the need of a little boy, or maybe he is a part of a gang, so what? At least that gang is giving them something, even though it’s nothing, but what are you doing?

You don’t want to study, hate books but what about that boy? Maybe he needs them, it’s not alright, he has a loyal right for education and all the facilities and luxury that you are enjoying. Just because he doesn’t have family or he is alone, it doesn’t give you right to make fun of him.

We totally forget the value of life we’re living, you ever asked your parents what was their condition when they were of your age? I know how hard times my parent had seen. I don’t want to give you lecture, maybe you don’t want to give 5-10 rupees to a needy person, but at least respect that how your parents have managed to give you all the facilities. Or maybe just realize the value of your luxury.

I always give 5-10 rupees to a needy person, or rather than money, I buy them food, or needy things, even thought they comes back to me for more and my friends laugh at me, but the smile they give to me, it can change the world. Help needy, you don’t want to give money, it’s ok, give them a cup of tea. It feels great…

Mummy..

Today I had an argument with my mom, it was useless, but the thing is that I never did it before. I’m really ashamed of myself, just want to kill myself. I don’t know what I was thinking and where my mind was. But it’s not good. I’m a bad son. I said sorry to her and she forgave me like always, but still there is something going inside me, which is killing me. Today I put up laptop to tell my mom that how much I love her, I’m sorry Mummy.

Dear Mummy, I feel incredibly grateful to have you as my Mom.  When I think of you different memories comes to my mind, memories that will live in my head and heart for a lifetime. You have thrown yourself into your role as a mother with unrestrained dedication since the beginning. The things I remember most about you is that you were always there for me no matter what the circumstances was, no matter how bad my mood was, no matter what time of day or night it was, no matter how bad I was as a son.  You have shown me complete acceptance, love, and understanding. When I needed you, you always made time for me.  I know you’ve always got my back. I cannot explain how much I love you, I can’t put it in words, Its just an attempt. I want you to know that I’m really thankful to have you as my mom. 

Nani used to tell me, in your time, your conditions weren’t good, but yours was the most hardworking one, and today Nani is most proud of you. I just want to be like you. I know, you’re always loving, funny, supporting, but you always wanted me to be a successful person, just like you. The thing for which I am most grateful, is something that has really surprised me. It’s your positivity. I don’t think it’s a secret that you’re a warrior. I never failed to prove you that I’m a bad son, but still you always accepted me, and loved me. You believe in my future, and help me believe. Thank you.

When I come to you with hard decisions in my life and feel confused about what to do, you  always listen to all of the alternatives, hear my concerns, and then ask the key question “what do you think you should do?” before offering guidance or advice… you taught me how to think for myself. I always thought that you didn’t allow me this and that, but today I know why. I always come home late, you get angry with me every time. Mummy, I just want to tell you that you’re the most important thing in my life, not my friends.

I’m really thankful to have you as my mom and I also want to say this to you, but I’m not really that strong to tell you that I’m really thankful to you to bring me in this world, for caring me, teaching me, being patient with me and cheering for me. Mummy, I also really want to say this because I always make you feel worried, angry, and emotional. Mummy, I’m really sorry for everything because sometimes without realizing, I speak words that are too tough and hard for you to hear. Mummy, please forgive me. I know everything you do for me is  just to make me a good person. Mummy, if I make you feel uneasy please tell me because I will try my best to change it and make you feel comfortable. Mummy, I want you to know that I’m proud to have you as my mom and I love you.

Mummy, I try my best to be your pride. Mummy, I won’t mind if no one trusts me, but I don’t want you to stop trusting me. Because only you are my inspiration and only you can light up my strength, as long as you are with me. Mummy, if I had done something that made you upset, please trust me that I didn’t mean to do it. Mummy, your trust is most important to me. Mummy, your trust is my  supporter to do the best in my life. Mummy, please stay at my side until the end, I know you always will.
I wrote this for you Mummy, but I don’t want you to read this, I’m going to be you pride, and then will see the real joy in your face, I know this will make you cry, but I just want you to read this, when I’m dead.

Mummy, Thank you for Your unconditional love and friendship, Thank you for showing me grace when I didn’t deserve it, Thank you for comforting me through bad times, Thank you for giving me everything, Thank You for always believing in me. I love you mummy to death.

Your Little Kid.

To My Crush

Last night, I was in mall, with my friends for two reasons. Firstly because my friend wants some new cloths, so for shopping, but secondly and more importantly to check out girls, because yesterday was Friendship day, everyone was looking amazing except me because I’m not much attractive.

I was with my friend, and then something unexpected happened, I’d seen my crush. She came out from the changing room and was showing her dress to her mom, it felt like there was only me and her in the whole showroom, and she is showing her dress to only me and waiting for my comments. She was looking so lovely like always. I wish I could tell her how beautiful she was looking. I could not sleep for the whole night, because I was still in the moment.

My crush, she is in my college, she is in my branch but different section, and she is amazing, her face makes my day, her voice gives me pleasure, her aroma gives me satisfaction, her charm is my work of art.  My body jams when I look at her, her originality, truthfulness, grace, just made me love her, she is just not my crush she is my life, and the worst part is she is already taken.

 Hey girl..

You know, I really don’t care if we ever hook up (well, sort of) but I’m happy that you exist and you’re always near me. I don’t know you that well. I can get everything about you, if I want to but I don’t, it just allows me to run wild with my imagination. Like having selfies, kissing under streetlights, going in long drives, listing songs together, hugging each other tightly in cold winter. All these things are possible in my head. You could be this person.  I just know your name, weirdly we actually have so many mutual friends but I’m sure still you don’t know me. We just sometimes walk past each other in the college canteen. I know maybe you don’t know me, but I think you know my face, which is just amazing.

You represent a possibility, a possibility of happiness, change and romance, a possibility of giving me something I’ve been craving for so long. And the worst part is you don’t even know it! Today you’re sitting in stairs, being so cute, adorable and crushworthy, not even aware of the joy you are giving to me, or maybe you knew, maybe you felt the same way, maybe you are also freaking out like me. If you do, then just tell me, I won’t know until you do something about it.

I can say there is nothing more amazing that having someone to love and feeling loved in return. While loving you I began to see the beauty of the world. There is so much in my life to do but you won’t let me do anything. Life have so many useless things, you’re a reason to live. As time passes by…. I started to wish and hope that I can have you.

I really don’t know how to impress or get you. Sometimes it’s fun to have you around, shutting my friends mouth to listen what you’re talking, ignoring you, like I don’t even care that you love.. I know I’m mad, but only for you. So I don’t think I’m going to do anything about us, I think I’m just going to let it be like it is, maybe if we’re going to be together, we’ll be. Your boy is the luckiest person in the world. I wish I could kill him, I curse him so bad, but I won’t cause he makes you happy. In the end I’m going to be the real mature and just going to keep you as my dream person and don’t let reality ruin anything.

 I have really good company of friends whom I love so much, but sometimes a feministic thing is needed in life. I just wanted to say that it’s not always about getting in relationships with your crush. Sometimes they’re just there to make everything easy and enlighten you day. A crush makes you happy and kiddish, they add bright colors to your life. They’re really important to individual ones, but life is worth more than this.

My crush, I love you, I want you, I can never ask for more than you. You don’t know me, I’m no one for you, and it’s bad but YOU’LL BE THE CRUSH WHO WILL NEVER CRUSH ME.

A Few words From A Smoker

Yes I smoke, I smoke daily! I have breathing problem, my shirt smells cigarettes, i don’t have money, i have black lips and one day I might get cancer and die, but still I have a cigarette in my hand while writing this blog.. Why always this world looks at me like im doing something wrong? like they don’t want me near them, just wanted me dead.

I first time smoked when I was 16, I wanted to show my friends that im not a coward and cool like them..I smoked for the first time, I was not afraid of anyone that day, I was on the top of the world. At the last of schooling, I ended up in a group which was famous and known by all , I was so proud of myself. Everyone knows me, but actually they hate me, I just knew this from start. That stupidity surprisingly gave real friends, they’re always by my side.. we’re not afraid of anyone, we still smoke together..

Once I was sitting on the side of the road, with my friend and a cigarette was in my hand, a women passed by me with her cute little son, he looked at me and smiled.. his mom pushes him away from me and said “look at this loser, he got nothing”. It was hurting, like what I’d done? 
That thing went so deep inside my heart, I still remember that day.. but my friend, he stoped that lady and said “One day your son will end up doing the same thing”! I know that was rude and disrespectful but my friend knew what he was doing! for us it was right, i mean what we’ad did, what is the need to say that, i’ll never forgive that lady!. My friend tought me so much, he really didn’t care what people say to him, he just gave it back to them, he is alone, his mom-dad died in an accident. He is my best Friend, he gives me strength everyday. I really don’t know why I shared this story, but we do have a life, goals, friends, or say the true one..

People are always like.. Please don’t smoke! leave it its bad! You’re hopeless! You’ll die oneday! for him! For her! Leave smoking.. !! They always want me to stay away from cigarettes. Like they care, well some may do! But instead why don’t they ask.. Why you smoke? What’re your problems? You need help? As a matter of fact no one ever asked me or any of my friend this. 
Do they really care? Actually I really don’t need any of this, I got my life, my people who really care for me, even though they’re very few!

Once I loved a girl so badly, I thought she was the one, I loved to spending time with her, we had no secrets so I decided to tell her I smoke, I told her! The next day she blocked me everywhere, boycotted me in every way possible, she gets, without even understanding me, my things, she left me.. people really think that we need their love, company or other stuffs.. but FUCK that, I just want them away. I don’t want them dead. Just want away from me!

Good People! think we smokers live in the dark, we’re hopeless and boring, just waiting to die, but I want to tell them actually we have better life. We actually don’t wear fake disguise to show people how Perfect we are, like really!!

You know why im talking about all this? Im just a teenager, I have a really nice life, friends and family, I live in a healthy and happy society, a perfect environment! but my friends don’t, I see people mocking them, saying harsh things, like they’re animals!
I mean we know what we’re doing, what is good or bad we know, its our choice to do what we want. Don’t treat us like goner, what we’d done? Did we raped someone? Or robbed you? Or we’re just criminals? Terrorists? Ha?

Why you guys look at us like we’re killing someone, but actually.. you guys are killing us more then these cigarettes can!! Did you people even try to understand us? We just smoke! not a big deal, just open the windows of your heart for us :)) Its bad we admit, but we’re not pushing you guys to do the same. We just want love and respect!

My friends were reading this while I was writing, they just hugged me so tight because they had never seen me serious like this…