Best Friends

Dear friend, I know, He left you, wow, was it expected; Right? I guess yes. From the beginning, we both knew it, you, me and I guess him too. But I’m not complaining because I was never your choice. Your words, He is perfect, a gentleman, kind hearted, oh my lord I want him… well, It didn’t turn out well. Should I feel sorry? This is what I’m thinking from the past few weeks. You didn’t even bother to tell me, still I’m waiting. Oh, I forgot, we’re best friends. You ok buddy? Tell me what to do without you.

I don’t know what I’d done, why you cut me off, maybe it’s my mistake. You stop talking to me, ignoring me like I never existed. I called a friend, she told me “HE” told you not to, but I guess this chapter is finished, he ditched you. Why are you still not talking? If you’re guilty, then it’s ok, I’m totally fine. But talk to me na. In the past few weeks, I thought a lot about what to do, you changed your number, I’m worried or I was. You know what you broke my heart also my patience. I’m… let it be, I guess you’re never going to read this. I quit blogging, but still I’m writing, you never know. I guess you’re hurt, do you want me to care? Oh please don’t because you never will, I know, now I’m not your buddy, not anymore.

Do you remember the nights we used to laugh, smiling for hours, at any useless things. Do you remember the days when we’re crazy? Remember the nights we made away dreaming, hoping of being each other, but better. We were too young then we were too crazy, and love? Lol there was never any space for this. I was always second for you, but you’re always first for me, but now I guess I wasn’t even third. See I’m too scared to tell you the truth cause my heart can’t take it anymore, I loved you. Yes, you were my favorite thing. But now I don’t care, you are out of my life, it was hard, but now I really don’t care. You just threw me out, like a piece of shit, it hurts, but not anymore. We used to have no secret. And even today I’m not going to keep it. I loved you, and I also know you never loved me, you loved your gentleman, it’s ok because this is my last thing I’m sharing with you, I hope you read this. I was giving us, so much that I couldn’t see. I was honest, hahahaa, never mind.

Buddy, I’m missing your eyes, your eyes, when I see you’re lying or telling me the truth. I’m missing our years of friendship. I remember you told me not to smoke, I literally quit it, I was waiting for your appreciation, I’m still, but this day never comes. Guess what I’m totally ok now, cause now I don’t believe in anyone, who tells me to stop smoking. Guess what, you can never take back what you never had. I was always there for you, but now you’re not, when I need your silly jokes, your smile, useless stuff, yeah, you are not here with me, here when I need you.

At last I just want to tell you, the words I’ve said above, it wasn’t me, I’m still waiting for you, waiting that you’ll tell me what he did to you, my shoulders are always ready, waiting for the warmth of your tears. No matter what you did to me, I will always make you smile, always, even though you don’t want to. Because this is what best friends do… and all those people who are reading this and trying to figure out what is happening just don’t think much, it’s for me and my buddy. She was always right, and I was always wrong. So come back. I’m waiting to hug you! Come back. NO I’M NOT! Don’t come back please!

Surprised? Trust me, i’m so done with our friendship, i’d give you a million chances, now i’m exhausted and saturated. Have your boyfriend, have your secrets, your things, cause now I moved on. I was confused, but now I’d decided what I want. You were always wrong; you lost a good friend today. I really hope you’ll read this, and think what you have done in the past few weeks. Goodbye have a happy life.

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First/Worst Funeral

It was a happy Sunday (last week), but then something heartbreaking happened. I knew this day would eventually come, but I sure didn’t think it would come so soon. On Sunday afternoon, we got the news, that my grandpa took his last breath. I know he was 94, but still, it just hurts so much, to think of him, and the fact that I have lost one of my closest people. We were so freaking close. I, in fact loved him more than my grandfather. Yea, he wasn’t my ‘real’ grandfather, he was his elder brother. But I admired him so.

My grandpa was a proud man, and one of the most supporting persons of my life. And even though we didn’t get as much time together as I would have liked, it was in the moments with him that I lived my life. I used to share my secrets with him, which I don’t even share with my mother. I literally lost the lust of my life. When I shift through my memories of him and our time together, there are a lot of things that come to my head. Like how he used to tell me about his memories of the British era; and the way he’d scold mom, whenever she’d shout at me about playing video games nonstop; and, all the long evening walks with him, and the advices he gave me… I missed him more than ever that day, when the realization sank in that he is no more. I miss you so much grandpa. I wish you could come back. Even if just for one last hug. Come back. Please.

By Sunday night, I saw papa had started packing. I asked if I could come with him, and he just looked at me, and asked what was already so evident in his stare, “ will you be able to face all that? Are you strong enough?”. I answered without thinking twice, “I am 19. And I haven’t seen him in months. I wanna see him one last time at the least.” He said, “OK”. It was Monday morning, and just as the train arrived, I started to feel weird, I didn’t know what or why, but my legs felt heavy. I felt like I’m going to be sick. 3 hours later, we were finally in my Grandpa’s house. There were like some 300 people there. All the men sitting outside, in the garden and all the women, inside. I could hear them crying. We sat there for a couple of minutes, while papa was talking to my relatives.

My uncle came to me, and asked if I want to see him, I said nothing, just nodded and went inside the room where my grandpa was waiting for me. I was about to faint when I saw him, not moving, not blinking, and his hand, cold as ice, not on my head, no more blessings for me. Oh god, he was dead! Grandpa was dead! My Grandpa was dead! His mouth was slightly open, and he had gotten so thin since I last saw him! So thin, you can count his bones. I did nothing, just sat there for over half an hour, when papa came and told me it was time for his funeral.

Everyone around was preparing for it, but I was not ready, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready. I know I was blessed to have my grandpa around for so much of my life, but now he is not. It’s his funeral. My grandma was crying so hard. Just like my heart was. It was time. My uncles started to touch grandpa’s feet. After a while it’s my time too. I asked grandma if I could kiss grandpa’s hand and she said yes, but one of the people there shouted at me and said no. before I could say anything back, papa asked me to let it be, to just touch grandpa’s feet. I hate that man so much. His orthodox stupidity took away my last chance to tell my grandfather how much I loved him. My uncles picked up grandpa’s body and start to walk to the cremation ground. I can’t put into words how I felt while accompanying my grandpa in his final journey. It practically broke me. As we got there, I noticed a very weird calmness was there.

But just as we neared my grandpa’s final resting place, things start to change. I felt weird, yet again. I don’t know is it right or not, but this is what I felt. The arrangements there was so bad and disappointing, it was like they’re doing it just as a formality, just to get it all over with. They let grandpa’s body lay open for like an hour. My papa begged me to say nothing, because he could see the anger in my eyes, for the way this great man was getting treated now, he knew how much I loved him, and he realized I was running thin on my self control. The woods were being arranged for, and after a while, they put the logs on my grandpa’s body. Sadness consumed me, but I couldn’t even express my idol’s death in peace for the way that these ungrateful people were; ‘cause guess what? They didn’t even cover grandpa up properly with woods. I could clearly see his face, head, hands and legs. I asked papa, whether they were going to burn him like that? Papa said no, and then papa shouted at my uncle, who just moved a couple of sticks for the sake of doing something! Without telling anyone, he burned the woods. I was like what the hell? I was shocked. And the worst thing that could happen was that the woods were wet. They weren’t burning properly. I was so upset, not just because it was my grandpa’s funeral, but because of the people’s behavior over there. They were literally ignoring my grandpa, like what the hell dumbasses? They were talking about all sorts’ of stupid stuff; “how is your son doing?”, “I’m looking for a boy, for my daughter” and such crap. They were cracking jokes, laughing, giggling. Motherfuckers! My Grandpa died. How could you all possibly do this? I could clearly see my grandpa burning, his head, his arms, his feet, on fire! Something I never imagined in my whole life, happening right in front of me. My body jammed for a while. *My grandpa was on fire* He was right burning in front of me… but after a while, I ran away from there, when I couldn’t take it anymore. After a while people started to leave, and his body hadn’t even burned properly! I begged papa that I want to stay until grandpa’s body will burn properly, my papa understands me, he said ‘yeah son!’.

My grandpa was good with everyone, he loved everyone, I hadn’t even seen him be rude to anyone. Ever. And this was all he got. *The worst funeral possible*. Today I just want to say that, I’m also going to die one day and my people will give me a funeral too. I didn’t know whether we’ll still be friends or not, but if you do love or care for me or feel something for me, then, and only then, attend my funeral.

R.I.P Grandpa, love you to death, your little nephew.

Happy Birthday Demi

Today is her birthday… and I fucking love her so much, I can’t even put it to words… I’m mad I know, and she doesn’t even know me. I’m just one among millions of her fans, who love her so much. I don’t even know why I’m so much into her. I know this is of no use, but fuck man! I can’t help it. I love the way I can’t imagine a day without her in my life. Her smile, voice, craziness, humor, eyes, laughter, her childish behavior, her hair colors, I mean everything. Oh boy! I’m mad. She is like the sea of love and I’m just a tiny fish who can’t live without her, she is my water. I adore her more than my crushes. I love her ability to speak without saying a single word. You’re perfect, the girl of my dreams. In her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars.

My friends laugh at me, I know they’re the real mature people; they have more important stuff to do. And I know they’re laughing at me right now too. But I just don’t care, I have her. I’m so smart, that I’m practically retarded. And when I’m older… and my little girl asks who my first love was, I want to be able to point across the room at the wall, and tell her, ‘there she is’… Demi Lovato. She is a girl who always smiles even when she wants to cry and the one that could always brighten up my day even when she couldn’t brighten her own. My life!

So I’m writing this blog because my friends don’t understand my love for DEMI and her music, and who she is as a person. It’s been 6 years now. And wow! It’s been a long time… I saw her on T.V for the first time. On her show “Sunny With A Chance” on Disney and instantly really loved it. I googled her. I could hardly understand her cause I was just 12. I hardly knew English. But I was awestruck nonetheless! Then I heard her song “La La Land” and I freaking loved it! That was the first English song I ever heard. I became a fan. I downloaded her first album; I listened to it and fell in love with every song… especially “Don’t forget”. Time passed and her songs began to take a whole new role in my life, not only were they there for other things, they began to be there for me when I was lonely. But I became her real fan when I heard “Skyscraper”. That time, I actually didn’t know the story behind it. But thanks to the internet, I found out that she had been through a lot, and it made me love her all the more. I’m not going to tell her story here, but if you guys are really interested then google it.

I can write a book about how much I love her, but I won’t. I want you guys to take me as I’m, everyone has a celebrity crush, but she is not my crush, she is my love. She defines perfection. I have never been so close to giving up, but you saved me Demi. Demi’s music has that effect on so many people, and I’m so happy that I have made friends on Twitter, and FB who are just like me. Though I’m more hardcore! I also want to talk about why I love her as a person. She in many ways reminds me of myself, she is funny, and she’s not afraid to be silly, she’s herself, she treats her fans like friends, she is the nicest and most open hearted celebrity out there. She stands up for what she believes in, and I could just go on and on. I’ve never met her, but I hope I do someday; maybe I will be one of the Lucky Ones. I never buy her CDs, Books etc, but I can say I’m always there for her.

I remember I followed her when she had 2M followers on twitter, and now she has more than 24M. And though I am kinda sad, because it decreases my chances of being noticed, but am happy for her too! She is getting everything she deserves. She is a diva, she is now successful, everyone knows her, this makes me really happy and excited.  One of my dream is to meet her, or at least attend one of her concerts, scream as loud as I can, with the crazy people around me who love her like I do.

 I’m just 19, and I have really serious stuff I need to do, but Demi, oh she is just another part of my life. She brightens my life, and I can’t sleep without listening to her at least once. I just want to say happy birthday, my lady, stay happy, and please never change. Without you, life would suck, without you, life would be hard, without you, life would be hopeless, without a love like you life would be impossible. I hope you do notice me… with the warmest regards, your biggest admirer, you biggest fan, another crazy lovatic, another brown boy.

To My Crush

Last night, I was in mall, with my friends for two reasons. Firstly because my friend wants some new cloths, so for shopping, but secondly and more importantly to check out girls, because yesterday was Friendship day, everyone was looking amazing except me because I’m not much attractive.

I was with my friend, and then something unexpected happened, I’d seen my crush. She came out from the changing room and was showing her dress to her mom, it felt like there was only me and her in the whole showroom, and she is showing her dress to only me and waiting for my comments. She was looking so lovely like always. I wish I could tell her how beautiful she was looking. I could not sleep for the whole night, because I was still in the moment.

My crush, she is in my college, she is in my branch but different section, and she is amazing, her face makes my day, her voice gives me pleasure, her aroma gives me satisfaction, her charm is my work of art.  My body jams when I look at her, her originality, truthfulness, grace, just made me love her, she is just not my crush she is my life, and the worst part is she is already taken.

 Hey girl..

You know, I really don’t care if we ever hook up (well, sort of) but I’m happy that you exist and you’re always near me. I don’t know you that well. I can get everything about you, if I want to but I don’t, it just allows me to run wild with my imagination. Like having selfies, kissing under streetlights, going in long drives, listing songs together, hugging each other tightly in cold winter. All these things are possible in my head. You could be this person.  I just know your name, weirdly we actually have so many mutual friends but I’m sure still you don’t know me. We just sometimes walk past each other in the college canteen. I know maybe you don’t know me, but I think you know my face, which is just amazing.

You represent a possibility, a possibility of happiness, change and romance, a possibility of giving me something I’ve been craving for so long. And the worst part is you don’t even know it! Today you’re sitting in stairs, being so cute, adorable and crushworthy, not even aware of the joy you are giving to me, or maybe you knew, maybe you felt the same way, maybe you are also freaking out like me. If you do, then just tell me, I won’t know until you do something about it.

I can say there is nothing more amazing that having someone to love and feeling loved in return. While loving you I began to see the beauty of the world. There is so much in my life to do but you won’t let me do anything. Life have so many useless things, you’re a reason to live. As time passes by…. I started to wish and hope that I can have you.

I really don’t know how to impress or get you. Sometimes it’s fun to have you around, shutting my friends mouth to listen what you’re talking, ignoring you, like I don’t even care that you love.. I know I’m mad, but only for you. So I don’t think I’m going to do anything about us, I think I’m just going to let it be like it is, maybe if we’re going to be together, we’ll be. Your boy is the luckiest person in the world. I wish I could kill him, I curse him so bad, but I won’t cause he makes you happy. In the end I’m going to be the real mature and just going to keep you as my dream person and don’t let reality ruin anything.

 I have really good company of friends whom I love so much, but sometimes a feministic thing is needed in life. I just wanted to say that it’s not always about getting in relationships with your crush. Sometimes they’re just there to make everything easy and enlighten you day. A crush makes you happy and kiddish, they add bright colors to your life. They’re really important to individual ones, but life is worth more than this.

My crush, I love you, I want you, I can never ask for more than you. You don’t know me, I’m no one for you, and it’s bad but YOU’LL BE THE CRUSH WHO WILL NEVER CRUSH ME.

Indian Porns

Being a Porn-star is always my optional dream carrier and I’m sure, I may end up doing this thing in my life, but if I’m really going to work as a Porn-star, then its 110% sure that I’m not going to work in Indian porns. Actually, right now, India stands nowhere if we’re talking about porn things. We Indians always try to be like westerns, so why not in this field too? We’re 121 billion right now, and we’re still not able to satisfy world’s horny generation. I think we’re the only people in the world who Googles for Indian porns. This is really dope!

 World Wide Web, today its mostly about seeing nude people in your PC’s. Pornography is a huge entertainment business in todays Internet era. American porns! I mean, the real heavenly feeling (boy stuff) is watching their porn and why not! They actually do a lot of hard work , in making every single movie. Its not just a boy fucking a girl, its 3 billion dollars industry. Sometimes they make you realize its real.. I don’t know about you guys but sometimes watching a really nice HD movie feels like I am actually there… lol ,what I’m saying, true story! They actually have big movie banners who makes porn movies. They also have sets, sexy female stars, storyline, sometimes scripts, but it is useless. One of the most important thing for a Porn movie is the director, I mean these things are generally of one or few shorts, so an experienced director is really needed, so that he/she can capture the best. I really want to write name of some of my favorite female Porn-stars but I’m not going to.

Wait this blog is about Indian porns. Look, even I’m not interested in writing about this. Why don’t we people do something about this…?

You know guys, the main reason we don’t have any Indian pornographies? Because in India, watching or possessing pornographic materials is illegal, although the distribution of such materials is also illegal. Likewise, making or posting any x-rated stuffs is illegal. This is why we Indians don’t have much sex stuffs. For many reasons this is right, but this is also not right, for me, for we, Internet generation kids! I’d seen a porn first time when I was 12! It was an accident but I really liked it. I was very curious about these stuffs, I just wanted to know how these things works and I remember I had a chapter about reproduction in 6th class, that chapter was the one which I studied with full interest and concentration in my whole student life. And now 60% of my Internet bill is because of porns. I cannot tell you how many times I’d searched for Indian porn, all I got is really creepy results. The only Indian porn site in existence is SavitaBhabi.com, and its only because they post animated porns. Wtf? This is the standard of us? Really bad!

 Well, India is not a backward country, I mean India is home of the great “Kamasutra” and I think we all know how great book it is, people still use that book feel better sexual experience. Also, have you seen Khajrao temple? Its a world heritage site, I’d seen that place and it really showcases the other side of India. If all this things are made by our ancestors, then why it is not allowed in todays India? I know the women security is a big threat in India, but the people who are interested, let them make us happy. Everyone knows pornography have a big earning potential. Meanwhile, India needs other earning options because everyone is running for a job, for better earning.

India also have a porn industry, but its very small. Generally c, d, e grade movies are considered as porn in India. They’re actually movies, but they have more uncensored adult scenes. There is a small 200 seater movie theatre in my city which plays these movies, but I never been there!.

As talking about Indian porns they’re generally home made. I mean really, Mostly its because poor girls are forced to do these stuffs and sometimes couples record their video, but boys by fraud upload them! Its really bad, but eventually this is what we got! This is not a serious blog, so lets we’ll talk about this later. Continuing on Indian porns, it generally consist of a couple and a camera, it’s just a 2-3 mega pixels mobile camera which is mostly hidden or is in boys hand. They’re mostly MMS’s. This is the main reason why people of the other countries don’t look at us! I mean quality and dedication matters. 😛

 American girls they maintain themselves like they’re really stars. They do so much on themselves, that is why they look amazing. In India 35-40 year old aunties are having sex, this is disgusting. The main thing is quality and good girls and if we got it then see how far our Indian pornography will reach. Well I know there are some famous bhabhi’s all over India and yeah, actually they’re satisfactory.

One name came out as a movement in Indian pornography is “Sonny Leone” I must say, this woman really made benchmark to rest of the world. I had seen almost every movie she’d made and my favorite part of her porn is the seductive voices she makes when…. But! the fact is she is only 20% Indian, but still somehow she will be considered as an Indian.

 You know guys why I’m saying all this? The reason to write this blog is that I really want to see porns of we Indians, I’m tired of watching foreigners fucking each other.. I want we Indians to rule the world’s porn sites. At the end I’m going to marry an Indian girl, go on a honeymoon with her, even I’m going to have sex with an Indian girl… so why should I watch American porn? It will be good for practice.

Before I end this blog, I know somethings are really serious in our country, I really apologize if some stuffs makes you uncomfortable, I want to write something light, funny and useless. This topic is most appropriate I guess, but at the same time I really want good Indian PORNS…

Thank you for reading, I know this blog is useless but still I have my hopes!

Sundays

its my first blog, like literally! and and this picture is not mine 😛 its of  my friend !

Sundays are generally boring because you have to sit at the home for the whole day and do almost nothing 😦 but i think i kind of like Sundays because this is the only day when i can spend my time with my family! i love my parents they are just amazing but everyday i cant spend time so on sundays i can 🙂

my day starts really late like after 12 and then it takes me like another hour to get active because im another lazy kid.. as i wake up i need a tea, and i have to make it for myself because my mon will give me a tea if i wake up before 8.. lol which is impossible.. 😉 so after tea i read newspaper, or say just watch the pictures because i hate studying, everything!! that is just a normal routine i take a bath because its very important to bath daily! if your’re Indian, yes! DAILY!

generally on sunday evenings i go out, with friends or family to get fresh, but generally i wont go out 😛 because i watch the repeat episodes of my favorite shows back to back with cold coffee. Well. whole day i stuck in my phone doing watsapp, messenger, instagram etc, and because of all this my mom daily scolds me. that i don’t study and just waste my time. You know getting a good job is a big thing in India, i mean from 1st class people want u to study well so that you can get a good job.. but yeah i agree with this, we all need a good life! so love you mom ❤

i generally don’t do much on sundays, generally after 8.30 pm my sunday starts, i go to my friend’s house, do shit talks, do nonsense things, smoke ciggerates, and yeh have fun.. i get back home near 10 and have dinner with my family, after dinner we watch TV, and yehh sleep afterwards.. 🙂

this is how my sudays goes! but yeh now i started writhing blogs so i have another time pass.. 🙂

thanks for reading…

-Tj , another brown Boy