Body Prison

Part I
Surrounded by walls
Locked in with no hopes to escape
Ridiculed and damaged beyond repair
Everything seems so black, so pure
Like a beautiful dream about death
Taking white lines in one breath
Smiling like a carefree little bastard
Singing something so soft, soaked in pain
Oh lord set me free, I’m not a freak
I laugh it off, you laugh it off
Don’t leave when you hold my hand
A deadly storm is brewing
With an empty feeling coming from within
Have to free my black tar soul
Something like self hate, seals my fate
It’s done being haunted and fed
I have to leave now, will you miss me?
If I turned around and walked away
Would you notice I’m gone?

Part II
Wanted to be seen, to be loved
Fine glint of blade enters my veins
Hard claret stream falls to the floor
I feel numb, my mind is crawling
I only knew one path, I’m on it’s way
Are you out there? Can you see me?
I poured gasoline over myself and lit it up
Lying on the floor in light of my burning body
So bright, it turned everything black
Flames spark inside and heat up the fear
Every guilt, shame, pain and regret is releasing,
The blue sky turned into dark gray
As my soul is cleansing
My skin soaking the heat, turning dark
Blurred visions never seemed too clear
I freed myself, from this body prison
My legs feel so weak, i tired to stand
To stand through all my troubles
Just to spread my wings and fly
My body is dying, my soul is burning
And I’m feeling alive..

Advertisements

Another Chance Wasted

I hope this fan endures my weight,
This rope doesn’t break,
When I hang on it,
This heavy chair,
Displaces when I push it,
My heartbeat, body,
Never felt so high,
A dead calmness,
Noose around my neck,
Ready to die,
Ready to escape,
I can feel the death,
Black, dark, dope,
Spreading his arms,
To welcome me,
I’m a little afraid,
This is the moment I was waiting for,
These beautiful people,
Think I’m a happy man,
They got me on my knees,
They say I better watch myself,
Fuck this bad mean world,
Why I’m not killing me?
This rope is waiting for me,
I’m a coward,
Another chance Wasted.

I told my mom that I’m going out,
She didn’t asked where I’m going?
My sweet mom,
Thinks I’ll be back in few hours,
Sorry mom, I can’t live like this,
Sorry that I never told you,
What I’m going through,
I don’t want to hurt you.

I walked to the nearest station,
To try my luck,
This time a final goodbye,
I’m crying like hell,
My throat feels sore,
My face turns red,
Sobbing because of my feelings,
Took a deep breath,
Laid down on the track,
Wind is blowing real fast,
Touching my tears,
Waiting for the train,
I can hear the horn,
These tracks start shaking,
A weird excitement,
The train passes me by,
From other track,
It’s been 2 hours,
Why the fuck this train is not coming,
Crying for myself,
Another chance Wasted.

It’s hard to realise,
Why I’m so upset,
Sitting on the floor,
Crying so much more,
I’m a loser,
I got teased from head to toe,
Sometimes I feel I’m afraid of happiness,
I deserve this pain,
A story behind every tear,
How long do I have to live?
Why someone will love me,
A boy with disturbing life,
Hideous myself.

I was finding my books,
And I found ratkill,
I feel sorry for all the rats,
That this cube had killed them,
I’m sure their life would be much better,
Better then mine, worth living,
Holding this ratkill,
Wondering how to eat,
I fill the glass with water,
Almost ready to taste this,
Son! Oh is that my mom’s voice?
Oh no I’m busted,
She’s gonna be so mad at me,
But mom is smiling,
She rubbed my shoulder,
Thanked me for finding ratkill,
Cause there are so many rats in the house,
I wish I could be a rat,
Atleast there would be a guarantee,
Guarantee of death,
Another chance Wasted.

I’m standing at the edge of my patience,
I can’t hold it anymore,
Everyday the same losses,
Thinking why to waste words,
Why to waste breath,
Why to waste emotions,
Why to waste life,
No one knows who I’m,
I’m not the person you think you see,
Cause I’ve got demons inside of me,
I may have a smile on my lips,
But broken heart inside.

One last time,
Blade in my hands,
I saw this on tv,
Easiest way to die,
This blade will erase all my pain,
Pushed blade against my skin,
Deep red blood, flowing away through from my wrist,
I finally made it, this will be the end,
The final tear I cry,
The final thought,
I wanna die, my soul is so old,
I can’t move my hand,
Laying down on the floor,
Death welcoming me with open arms,
Oh boy death is so charming,
Nobody loves me anymore,
After a few days I wake up,
Nurse is changing bandage,
I’m alive,
Another chance Wasted.

I Know

I know that you’re happy,
I know that’s a fake smile,
Smile just to show me you don’t care,
About me, about us, What we had once,
I know you’re not happy,
You told me it’s for my good,
To make me a man,
Someone you always wanted.

I know you still love me,
You can lie, don’t care about me,
But your eyes never lie,
I know you tried to keep me away,
Cause I always make troubles,
I know everything you’ve done,
Just to make me responsible,
It’s my breaking point,
All those moments we had,
Striking my heart like a bullet.

I know how you’re,
Since we fell apart,
Since you told me we’re not working out,
Since our heart split, Into two pieces,
One yours, one mine,
What Am IĀ supposed to do,
With this half broken heart?
I want you, my other half,
Cause this love is worth it.

I know deserve a life I know you’re the reason,
My bones are weak now,
I can’t stand the joy,
I can’t stand the happiness,
You can fool your heart,
But mine is not listening to me,
Like a little kid graving for toy,
I’m craving for my life,
I don’t want anything, just you.

Life Saver

If my life would’ve been perfect,
A happy shit,
This ciggerate wouldn’t have been in my hands,
But it is, like for years,
I don’t know,
Where my life is going right now?
This takes me higher,
Allows me to forget everything,
Forget that I’m a mess,
It gives me a satisfaction,
That im killing myself,
And one day I’ll quit it,
Not ciggerate but my life,
The sweetest poison I ever found,
But I’m no goner,
Or maybe I’m, yes I’m,
But I blame you,
Whenever I smoke, I think of you,
I’m not addicted to cigarettes,
I’m addicted to you,
Filter in my mouth,
I forget you, your memories,
So many sad stories about us,
Lost somewhere in smoke,
One fag, two fag,
Life is good,
My shirt, skin, hands smells ciggerate, I love it, that’s me,
I remember those people,
Who helped me to get cigarettes,
When I was 14,
They’re my life saviour,
Somehow I would’ve died right now,
Because I’m not good with pain,
This cloud of smoke,
This is my heaven,
Filled with bad memories,
I poisoned my soul,
Destroyed myself from inside,
Fag gives me wings to fly,
When I feel down, lost in myself,
The orange light glowing in my ash try,
Shows me the light, a hope,
All you ask is why I’m smoking?
Why don’t you notice my pain,
I’m not a good actor,
I’m alone, hurt, half dead,
But still I have my pride,
I thought you’d hold my hand,
Throw away that ciggerate,
I never believed in god,
I believed in you,
All waste, living my hard life,
I’m so done with good and happy things,
Now I’m afraid of hopes,
Where is my lighter?
I used to be a good boy,
Now I’m a devil, inside a teenager,
No more trying, just let it go,
Inhale, exhale,
Taking it slow, it’s so relaxing,
I’m waiting here, if you can find me,
Someone who can save me from myself.

Ignored Blood

Ignored Blood

These poems are really personal to me. There is something going inside of me that I also don't know, but it's deep and heavy. It's just that I can't tell people around me what I'm going through, so I decided to somehow put them out. I'm not a writer and I never wrote these things before. I'm not good with words but I hope I justify my emotions through this book.
The book is available on Wattpad.
Thank you for your support.

Nights

It’s 3AM,
Trying to sleep,
But I can’t,
Pillow, wet from my tears,
Heavy thoughts,
Running inside my head,
Wondering what to do?
With this Hopeless life,
I got everything,
But still I have nothing.

Nobody to call,
Nobody to talk,
Nobody to miss,
All this loneliness,
It hurts,
I’m just a man,
With emotions,
I just need love.

You, everyone,
Ignoring me,
It’s clear to see,
When this night will pass,
I don’t like this darkness,
But it’s all I got,
Sleeping with lights on,
Atleast for no dark.

This bed is for two,
It never had this empty side,
This side reminds me of you,
You were the drug,
That got me through everything,
I hope you’re missing me too,
I hope something reminds you of me.

I can hear dog’s bark,
This calmness,
My red eyes, tears,
This happens Everynight,
To the people with no goals,
I’m losing myself,
Talking to myself,
Waiting my life,
Alone in this bed.

Fan, on the sealing,
Flying the smoke away,
This ciggerate is about to end,
Time is moving slowly,
I have no pain,
Just filled with so many emotions,
Why I’m so emotional.

Laying down on my bed,
Thinking what I did today,
What to do tomorrow,
I don’t have to cry,
I have to be happy,
Time will get better,
Someday I will not sleep alone.

Ignored Blood..
A poetry collection, on WATTPAD.

Empty

image

Eyes, can’t see anything,
Ears, no voice to hear,
Hands, always shivering,
Heart, just a stone,
Lips, scared of words,
Viens, black blood,
Leg, always running,
Lungs, filled with smoke,
Wrist, marks of cutting,
Fingers, pointing towards me,
Skin, no feeling,
Face, a devil’s shade,
Chest, 1 2 3, count my ribs,
Brain, out of thoughts,
My body, a stuffed toy,
No feelings, emotions, just empty.

Life, like an autumn tree,
No leaves, no birds,
Dead calmness, dry and lonely,
No children playing, rough,
Cut me into pieces,
Get a saw through me,
Feel my black dark blood,
Life like a prison, a poison,
Everyday, cold day,
Everynight, lost night,
Giving every single inch of me,
Watching from far away,
Scared to play, always afraid,
No dreams, lost in dark.
Finding a life, a purpose,
Need someone to show who I could be.

I’m invisible, they can’t see me,
But I’m standing here,
Tears falling down form my face,
Heart with holes, Broken me,
Want to feel the mist of rain,
Cold of winter, touch of someone,
Trying to find a friend, to play,
A picture perfect life, I never dreamed of,
Just in case dreams comes true,
Continuous struggle, a dope kid,
Missing what I never had, happiness,
Broken bones, bruised skin,
Why I’m still alive? did what takes to die,
Can I turn the clock back to start,
So I can never get to be here,
In this lifeless empty world…