Be My Light

I’m on my way, way to touch the sky,
Sky, like it was always there, few steps away,
With the light I always needed, a hope,
But I’m a failure, cause darkness is my friend.

Dark is always around me, push me up,
Need your hands, your warm hug, a help,
I’m so alone and thirsty, like it’s my life,
life that needs someone, don’t know where to turn.

I hope you’re my angel, a perfect chance,
Chance to get through it, I’m ready for the light,
A light from somewhere right there, from you,
You were suppose to comfort me, I’m still in the dark.

Guide me with the light of love, how to love,
I forgot what it is, cause no one is here,
Why anyone will be with me, in this dark world,
I don’t want to be afraid, I want to feel myself.

You’re an enemy, from this beautiful city,
Everyone’s perfect, why not me? Me?
I lost my way, please let me in, in your world,
I know in your heart, you won’t let me in, but please.

It’s my darkest hour, day, fuck it’s my life,
It had me down on my knees, call me, shit,
Sit down with me, talk to me, I’m funny,
Funny, humorous, like your friends, just try.

I’m broken, bruised, why you’re pouring salt,
It hurts, I’m like you, like them somehow, yes!
Be my hero, make me alive, touch me,
You’re looking at me, how, I don’t know what to do.

My heartbeat, you’re walking towards me,
So close, chills and you hold my hands,
You’re finally here, I can see the light, mystery,
Where were you for so long, It’s ok, no more pain.

Finally I’m happy, happening life, light,
We’re perfect, no more games with my heart,
Wait, where are you going, stop, no!
You’re done with me? Few moment happiness.

I hate you, you used me like I’m no human,
You didn’t even turned once, I’m a waste now? Sure,
You were my sunshine, after this cold night,
You’re so beautiful, but now I know who you are.

I’m crying, catching every tear drops from my eyes,
One two three, you have to pay for this,
I’m not made of stones, my skin is thicker now,
You can break me like a glass, go on, I’m ready.

Revenge, that’s all that is left, my time is here,
Silence has to end, sledgehammer, your head,
What the hell I’ve done, please come back,
No, darkness made me do this, use me again.

Those were the perfect moments I had, you gave me joy,
You were the enemy, used me, dumped me,
I thought I can make through this dark, I’m a fool,
I destroyed everything, hello my dark empty life.

Why I’m alone, I deserve it, no more hopes,
This mirror, why it’s not lying, like always,
Hiding my pain, a fake smile on my face, it’s gone,
My best friend, my mirror also turned his back.

20 years, inside war, hollow heart, hopeless,
I can see the light, light of heaven, this is real,
End of life, I’m leaving my dark life, coming to you,
No one is here to burn my body, ugly truth.

At last, I finally found it, the light, a friend,
You forgave me, I killed you, the blood, tears,
My life was a waste, I got my life, it’s crazy,
I don’t deserve this heaven, but im here.…

I Can…

I can cry, so that you can smile,
I can break, to make you strong,
I can make money, so that you can spend,
I can do anything, to make you stay.

I can be a joker, to make you laugh,
I can be in dark, so that you can shine,
I can be wrong, to make you right,
I can be anyone, to make you stay.

I’m dying here in dark, just need your shine,
Want to be something, something to you,
Something that make my weight, to hold you,
Once I get you, this time no regrets,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can survive thorns, so that you can sleep,
I can survive nightmares, so that you have your dreams,
I can survive any pain, so that you can enjoy,
I can survive anything, to make you stay.

I can be a stranger, to make a new start,
I can be a lawyer, to take your stands,
I can be the fire, to keep you warm,
I cannot be a goner, cause I can make you stay.

No more same mistakes, thats a promise I do,
Promise to keep you alive, while I was dying,
You left a mark on me, can’t get over you,
You’re a sweet poison, like a ciggerate,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can kill him, to get your each smell,
I can pull up every weapon, to make you mine,
I can take your freedom, to take your breath,
I can ignore every guilt, cause I can’t lose you.

But I’m losing myself, being weak, getting afraid,
Everything is not perfect, it has to be, like you,
Broken glass on the floor, like it’s my heart,
Trying to compete with everyone else, no use,
I need to change my ways, stop living a lie.

No more waste of emotions, waste of life,
But you’re my smile, what to do without you,
He is your gentleman, maybe your tears is a lie,
Show me something real, so that I that can run far far away,
You got your way of speaking, I don’t know what to believe in.

I can make mistakes, so that you can learn,
But my mistakes are getting waste, like hell,
I’m getting scars, emotionless, a dark is around me.
I want you to be my best mistake, I’m here,
My hand is ready to hold your hand, can we please make love?

Story of A Girl

Today I want to share a story. A story of a girl. A girl who has been through a lot, who had a breakdown but in the end she comes out stronger than ever. Before you do anything I want you guys to read this, if you want to know why I’m mad about  ‘Demi Lovato’. My general blogging style is first I tell you a story then I share my thoughts on reference of that story. So today I’m going to do the same. I really want you people to read it. This is the story of my girl ‘Demi’. From the start she wanted  to change the world with her voice, strength and talent, without changing herself. She never let herself down or anyone around her. She was slaying everyone outside but was fighting a war inside. She climbed the new heights on her own. Showing the world that she is not going to stop anyway. Sharing her story and inspiring others. She re-lived the moments that broke her down and came out as one of the most sensational pop stars in the industry. Where most people made a name out of their controversy, Demi made it by her journey. This is her story.

Demi was born on August 20, 1992 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, but she was raised in Dallas, Texas with her mom ‘Dianna Lovato’, her Dad ‘Patrick Lovato’, her elder sis ‘Dallas Lovato’ and her younger half-sister Madison De La Garza. When she was two, her mom and her dad decided to separate and had divorced. This divorce, somehow, had an impact on her and was seen after a few years. From the start she had huge interest in beauty pageants. She won the title of ‘Miss Texas’ and she also appeared on ‘America’s Next Top Model’. At the age of seven, she started playing piano. Demi was desperate to make her name as a young superstar. Even in the age of around 5 she was a mature soul. She didn’t like to play with dolls and toys. All she was interested in what adults are talking. But there was also something going inside her. Demi was very sensitive at that age. Around when she was four, she got bullied a lot at school. A lot of her senior girls bullied her by calling her mean names. They followed her every day and bullied her by saying mean things. When things crossed the line, she called her mom and told her that she would never study in public schools. She got homeschooled. While trying to get a big break, the words from her bullies always let her think that she is fat. She didn’t have much friends at school, but one boy, ‘ Trenton , from her school was really close to her. He was going through the same stuff that Demi was going through. But at the age of seven he decided to end his life after getting exhausted from bullying. He killed himself. The suicide of young friend had a deep impact on Demi and she started to cut herself. Once she said in an interview, she cut her wrists to put all her guilt and shame out on herself. If you search the fetus pictures of Demi you will find there are bruises of cutting on her wrists. She was so depressed. She looked into the mirror and never felt good enough. By looking into the mirror, running her fingers over her stomach and feeling fat, she harmed herself because of depression and guilt. She started to lose weight. She thought that even a glass of orange juice would make her fat. She stopped eating and started puking 3-4 times a day. She got very skinny and put a fake smile on her face to show the world that she was happy but inside the darkness was her secret. She was living with all this pain and guilt emotionally.

On further auditioning for different shows, she finally got a role in Disney’s original movie ‘Camp Rock’ in the year 2007. The movie was a huge success and was the third all time most viewed Disney movie. She was enjoying the fame from the movie. She also got the leading role on the hit Disney comedy show “Sonny with a chance”. The Show was a massive hit and is one of the highest rated Disney shows. From the movie she got to know Jonas Brothers closely and in 2008 she released her debut album ‘Don’t Forget’ with the help of Jo Bros. The album was a hit and it gave her a big debut on the music industry. Time passed and she released her second album ‘Here we Go Again’ (One of my favorite albums). The album went straight #1 on the charts and became a critically acclaimed album. With her TV show, Movies, album and tours her fanbase was increasing drastically. When her life was in the limelight she didn’t want to share her secrets. She started consuming drugs and alcohol to divert her mind from her problems. The self medicating helped her to concentrate on her work and keep on smiling for the cameras. Drugs weren’t helping her much but only making her mind heavy and sick. The things were going on but she was dealing with depression.

Things changed  in 2010, while performing a sold out show in South America the things that are inside her. She was hiding  the cutting, mental depression and no eating from the world. She basically, didn’t eat anything whole day and then performed for two hours without eating anything. She was living a lie. All this summed up and she had a nervous breakdown. She punched one of her background dancers backstage. The things had crossed the lines now. Her family sat down and told her she needed  help. From October 2010 to January 2011 she underwent treatment for anorexia, bulimia, self harm, drug addiction & bipolar disorder. She went to rehab for three months. After getting her treatment done, she gained weight and she was in every tablet and the world wanted to know why she went to rehab because she was just 18. She answered every question very calmly and sophisticatedly.

She told everyone her story, what she was going through, why she was cutting and everything. After treatment she tattooed ‘STAY STRONG’ on both her wrists. She told everyone she was happy that she gained weight and she is curvy. She insisted everyone who is going through mental disorder to get a treatment and showed everyone that a better life is possible. In June 2011, she released her life changing mega hit “Skyscraper”. The song encouraged thousands of people. Today Demi is a role model for millions of people and so to all the people who got bullied. According to a report song Skyscraper decreased suicide rate in the USA. Afterwards, She released her third album ’Unbroken’ which was also went #1 in iTunes. Her inspiring journey helped millions and she won People’s Choice Award for ‘Best Pop Artist’ in 2012 against Pop megastars Adele, Katy Perry, Rihanna and Pink.

In 2012 she was invited to judge one of the biggest reality singing show ‘The X factor’. She is the youngest person in the history to judge any singing show. She was the people’s favorite in the show and because of her demand and popularity she was invited for another season in 2013. She also reached a milestone in 2012 when she got her hand cemented on “Hollywood walk of Frame”. She is the only artist of her generation to do that. Later she released a book in 2013 named “Staying Strong: 365 Days A Year” which is now NYTs Best Selling book. Her success is not going to stop cause she is one the most honest celebs out there and she is living sober today and inspiring a generation of people.

In 2013 she released her fourth album Demi which went #1 in 50 Countries. She won a special award from government of America (APEDA) for promoting Mental Disorders and inspiring people to get treatment. In May 2014, Lovato was named the LA Pride Parade Grand Marshal of LGBT Community and the lead performer for NYC and LA Pride Week for her contribution to the LGBT community. Demi had no interest in forging a relationship with her late father, Patrick, after his divorce from her mother. Patrick died of cancer on June 22, 2013, at age 53. After his death Demi said that he had been mentally ill, and in his honor she created the Lovato Treatment Scholarship Program to help the people who can’t afford treatment fairs for mental illness. Today she is one of the most famous names in the music industry and she is currently on her world tour.

I don’t know if this story helped you to know Demi’s past because there is a lot more to write, but I’m not good at putting my thoughts into words. I’m her fan since I saw her TV show on Disney channel for the first time and she kind of hit my brain really hard. Since then I love her music, story, strength, style, everything. I also don’t know if my words are able to tell you the love and affection I have for Demi. You know she is not like normal stars. She is different. Mostly when celebs go in rehab, all they worry about is what their career is going to be after this, but not Demi. She is honest, so is her music. She spoke about everything so openly. She did something nobody would do. She proved recovery is possible.  Demi has been through more than a life time worth moments and still she is strong. That’s why I love her.

I admire her so much. You know an artist’s music is way meaningful when she has gone through a lot, than the artist who makes trending music. Demi’s music gives a meaning. It proves that if an artist got an amazing voice, talent or just honesty, you don’t need to put the sexual scenes on your record. Her simplicity, elegance, honesty and grace makes way better music than trending ones. She is one of the few artists who write their own songs because their songs mean a lot to them. Demi’s songs come from her own thoughts, feelings, experiences. I love Demi and will continue to for the rest of her career and beyond. Everything she does is amazing and I’m proud to be a Lovatic.

Mummy..

Today I had an argument with my mom, it was useless, but the thing is that I never did it before. I’m really ashamed of myself, just want to kill myself. I don’t know what I was thinking and where my mind was. But it’s not good. I’m a bad son. I said sorry to her and she forgave me like always, but still there is something going inside me, which is killing me. Today I put up laptop to tell my mom that how much I love her, I’m sorry Mummy.

Dear Mummy, I feel incredibly grateful to have you as my Mom.  When I think of you different memories comes to my mind, memories that will live in my head and heart for a lifetime. You have thrown yourself into your role as a mother with unrestrained dedication since the beginning. The things I remember most about you is that you were always there for me no matter what the circumstances was, no matter how bad my mood was, no matter what time of day or night it was, no matter how bad I was as a son.  You have shown me complete acceptance, love, and understanding. When I needed you, you always made time for me.  I know you’ve always got my back. I cannot explain how much I love you, I can’t put it in words, Its just an attempt. I want you to know that I’m really thankful to have you as my mom. 

Nani used to tell me, in your time, your conditions weren’t good, but yours was the most hardworking one, and today Nani is most proud of you. I just want to be like you. I know, you’re always loving, funny, supporting, but you always wanted me to be a successful person, just like you. The thing for which I am most grateful, is something that has really surprised me. It’s your positivity. I don’t think it’s a secret that you’re a warrior. I never failed to prove you that I’m a bad son, but still you always accepted me, and loved me. You believe in my future, and help me believe. Thank you.

When I come to you with hard decisions in my life and feel confused about what to do, you  always listen to all of the alternatives, hear my concerns, and then ask the key question “what do you think you should do?” before offering guidance or advice… you taught me how to think for myself. I always thought that you didn’t allow me this and that, but today I know why. I always come home late, you get angry with me every time. Mummy, I just want to tell you that you’re the most important thing in my life, not my friends.

I’m really thankful to have you as my mom and I also want to say this to you, but I’m not really that strong to tell you that I’m really thankful to you to bring me in this world, for caring me, teaching me, being patient with me and cheering for me. Mummy, I also really want to say this because I always make you feel worried, angry, and emotional. Mummy, I’m really sorry for everything because sometimes without realizing, I speak words that are too tough and hard for you to hear. Mummy, please forgive me. I know everything you do for me is  just to make me a good person. Mummy, if I make you feel uneasy please tell me because I will try my best to change it and make you feel comfortable. Mummy, I want you to know that I’m proud to have you as my mom and I love you.

Mummy, I try my best to be your pride. Mummy, I won’t mind if no one trusts me, but I don’t want you to stop trusting me. Because only you are my inspiration and only you can light up my strength, as long as you are with me. Mummy, if I had done something that made you upset, please trust me that I didn’t mean to do it. Mummy, your trust is most important to me. Mummy, your trust is my  supporter to do the best in my life. Mummy, please stay at my side until the end, I know you always will.
I wrote this for you Mummy, but I don’t want you to read this, I’m going to be you pride, and then will see the real joy in your face, I know this will make you cry, but I just want you to read this, when I’m dead.

Mummy, Thank you for Your unconditional love and friendship, Thank you for showing me grace when I didn’t deserve it, Thank you for comforting me through bad times, Thank you for giving me everything, Thank You for always believing in me. I love you mummy to death.

Your Little Kid.

Happy Birthday Demi

Today is her birthday… and I fucking love her so much, I can’t even put it to words… I’m mad I know, and she doesn’t even know me. I’m just one among millions of her fans, who love her so much. I don’t even know why I’m so much into her. I know this is of no use, but fuck man! I can’t help it. I love the way I can’t imagine a day without her in my life. Her smile, voice, craziness, humor, eyes, laughter, her childish behavior, her hair colors, I mean everything. Oh boy! I’m mad. She is like the sea of love and I’m just a tiny fish who can’t live without her, she is my water. I adore her more than my crushes. I love her ability to speak without saying a single word. You’re perfect, the girl of my dreams. In her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars.

My friends laugh at me, I know they’re the real mature people; they have more important stuff to do. And I know they’re laughing at me right now too. But I just don’t care, I have her. I’m so smart, that I’m practically retarded. And when I’m older… and my little girl asks who my first love was, I want to be able to point across the room at the wall, and tell her, ‘there she is’… Demi Lovato. She is a girl who always smiles even when she wants to cry and the one that could always brighten up my day even when she couldn’t brighten her own. My life!

So I’m writing this blog because my friends don’t understand my love for DEMI and her music, and who she is as a person. It’s been 6 years now. And wow! It’s been a long time… I saw her on T.V for the first time. On her show “Sunny With A Chance” on Disney and instantly really loved it. I googled her. I could hardly understand her cause I was just 12. I hardly knew English. But I was awestruck nonetheless! Then I heard her song “La La Land” and I freaking loved it! That was the first English song I ever heard. I became a fan. I downloaded her first album; I listened to it and fell in love with every song… especially “Don’t forget”. Time passed and her songs began to take a whole new role in my life, not only were they there for other things, they began to be there for me when I was lonely. But I became her real fan when I heard “Skyscraper”. That time, I actually didn’t know the story behind it. But thanks to the internet, I found out that she had been through a lot, and it made me love her all the more. I’m not going to tell her story here, but if you guys are really interested then google it.

I can write a book about how much I love her, but I won’t. I want you guys to take me as I’m, everyone has a celebrity crush, but she is not my crush, she is my love. She defines perfection. I have never been so close to giving up, but you saved me Demi. Demi’s music has that effect on so many people, and I’m so happy that I have made friends on Twitter, and FB who are just like me. Though I’m more hardcore! I also want to talk about why I love her as a person. She in many ways reminds me of myself, she is funny, and she’s not afraid to be silly, she’s herself, she treats her fans like friends, she is the nicest and most open hearted celebrity out there. She stands up for what she believes in, and I could just go on and on. I’ve never met her, but I hope I do someday; maybe I will be one of the Lucky Ones. I never buy her CDs, Books etc, but I can say I’m always there for her.

I remember I followed her when she had 2M followers on twitter, and now she has more than 24M. And though I am kinda sad, because it decreases my chances of being noticed, but am happy for her too! She is getting everything she deserves. She is a diva, she is now successful, everyone knows her, this makes me really happy and excited.  One of my dream is to meet her, or at least attend one of her concerts, scream as loud as I can, with the crazy people around me who love her like I do.

 I’m just 19, and I have really serious stuff I need to do, but Demi, oh she is just another part of my life. She brightens my life, and I can’t sleep without listening to her at least once. I just want to say happy birthday, my lady, stay happy, and please never change. Without you, life would suck, without you, life would be hard, without you, life would be hopeless, without a love like you life would be impossible. I hope you do notice me… with the warmest regards, your biggest admirer, you biggest fan, another crazy lovatic, another brown boy.

A Lady With A Bruise

Almost 3 months back, I was in the market with my mom, to buy some vegetables. My mom told me to stay with the Scooter, because there was no space for parking. So I was there, sitting on my scooter, waiting for my mom to come back. In the usual hustle bustle of the overtly crowded market, I saw so many people, who wouldn’t mind spending thousands on fancy hotel dinner, quarrelling with vendors over five bucks worth of garlic, they didn’t pay for. I noticed a vegetable cart with a large variety of vegetables, the cart was very crowded, and my mom was also there. And on the other side, there I also saw a woman. She sat on the right side of the lane, on a torn bed sheet. She just got onions and potatoes. And though she wasn’t physically too far away from the nearby crowd, I felt a weird calm surround her. Like she was there, but wasn’t really there. I went towards her, hoping that she will give me the potatoes at a cheaper rate. As I reached there, I saw that the vegetables were not fresh, almost like they are a month old. Also what caught my eye, was that she had a big bruise on her neck. Her bruise covers almost half of her neck, I was very horrible. I ignored And asked her the price of potatoes, to which she replied, ‘Son! 35 rupees per kg’. I was surprised, and said,’ isn’t it too much for these?’ She smiled, and asked me for the quantity of potatoes I wanted. I asked for a kg. She told me I could have them for 15 bucks. So I, pleased with myself, started to pick out the ‘best’ ones. I knew mamma would be happy.

A couple of days later I went to her again. And yet again, she only asked for 15 rupees. I hesitated, but asked her nonetheless, as to why does she give me potatoes at such a cheap rate? She put her hand to my head band smiled. She said I wouldn’t understand. I asked why? She ignored, and changed the topic by asking if I wanted a carry bag.

One day she finally told me why she sells vegetables at such rates. She told me that she’d buy onions and potatoes from her landowner, when they won’t sell out, and were of no use for him.He’d give them to her at just 5-10 rupees per kg, and then she would sell them so that she can buy food for the day. I don’t ask much that day cause I was in a hurry.

Every time, I went to her, her bruise would distract me. So once I asked her, how she got this bruise? She smiled irritably, and told me not to ask this question again. I was surprised, Cause I’d never seen her rude like this before. After buying potatoes, as I was starting my scooter, I saw some tears in her eyes, but I ignored it. I don’t know why… I didn’t mind much. Maybe because she was rude to me.

One day as I was buying potatoes, a man from municipality came to her. She smiled, and gave him a five rupee coin. The man gave her a slip and then moved to other vegetable stalls. I asked her what that was. She told me, it’s kind of a tax, which is taken from her every day, as a rent, to put her stall there. I said you don’t even have a stall, plus you also don’t earn that much daily, so why give it? She said I only need 50 rupees, for two square meals daily. I asked why? Don’t you have a family? She didn’t reply…

Then one day, as I was normally picking up potatoes, she started to talk. Pretty unexpectedly. And she starts telling me about her bruise. I was surprised and excited at the same time. She started by her son. She and her 5 year old son lived happily in the village. A month ago, she and her son were going somewhere on the bus. But the bus got hit by a truck from the back, and in the accident, her son got seriously injured, and she got this bruise. Her son fainted right after the bus hit the truck. She collected all her savings, that were around 40,000 rupees, and called the ambulance. On their way to the hospital, her son died. She left the ambulance and gave a funeral to her son. From that day she was in the city, waiting to die… I really got emotional that day. I actually got nothing to say, I mean what can I say?

For 2 weeks, I went to my grandmother’s home for a family function, but when I came back, the lady was not there. I asked around, and the man with the stall called me. When I went to him, he laughed and said.. ‘SHE IS DEAD!’. He laughed because, maybe I never use to buy potatoes from him.. I guess… he just hates me. I don’t believe in him, I haven’t seen her from the last two months.

I didn’t know what to say, or feel at that moment. I was happy, emotional, and upset. I was happy, because she always wanted to die or whatever, but I was sad because I knew I’d miss her… It’s a true story and you know guys why I shared this story, because that woman, whom I hardly knew, inspires me to live, even though she wanted to die. She had the money, she could have gotten treated and stay healthy, but without her son she didn’t want to leave. I was living my life without any goals. I mean literally, I was just living. I did what people around me did. But that lady with the bruise, inspires me to live my life. She showed me how much my parents love me. They sacrifice their comforts for me, to make me a better man. But me…? I just waste my time, trying to get a girl, and be like the fake people around me, trying to impress the world… without thinking about my parents. Now my goal is to give those comforts to my parents, which they sacrificed for me. That lady came into my life, to show me the importance of my parents, but guys don’t wait for someone, maybe this life lesson that I learned, will inspire you. I love my parents, no matter what we go through, no matter how much we argue, because I know, at the end, they’ll always be there.

I just hope that she is alive, I wish once in my life I can meet her, and say thank you for whatever she’d done for me…

To My Crush

Last night, I was in mall, with my friends for two reasons. Firstly because my friend wants some new cloths, so for shopping, but secondly and more importantly to check out girls, because yesterday was Friendship day, everyone was looking amazing except me because I’m not much attractive.

I was with my friend, and then something unexpected happened, I’d seen my crush. She came out from the changing room and was showing her dress to her mom, it felt like there was only me and her in the whole showroom, and she is showing her dress to only me and waiting for my comments. She was looking so lovely like always. I wish I could tell her how beautiful she was looking. I could not sleep for the whole night, because I was still in the moment.

My crush, she is in my college, she is in my branch but different section, and she is amazing, her face makes my day, her voice gives me pleasure, her aroma gives me satisfaction, her charm is my work of art.  My body jams when I look at her, her originality, truthfulness, grace, just made me love her, she is just not my crush she is my life, and the worst part is she is already taken.

 Hey girl..

You know, I really don’t care if we ever hook up (well, sort of) but I’m happy that you exist and you’re always near me. I don’t know you that well. I can get everything about you, if I want to but I don’t, it just allows me to run wild with my imagination. Like having selfies, kissing under streetlights, going in long drives, listing songs together, hugging each other tightly in cold winter. All these things are possible in my head. You could be this person.  I just know your name, weirdly we actually have so many mutual friends but I’m sure still you don’t know me. We just sometimes walk past each other in the college canteen. I know maybe you don’t know me, but I think you know my face, which is just amazing.

You represent a possibility, a possibility of happiness, change and romance, a possibility of giving me something I’ve been craving for so long. And the worst part is you don’t even know it! Today you’re sitting in stairs, being so cute, adorable and crushworthy, not even aware of the joy you are giving to me, or maybe you knew, maybe you felt the same way, maybe you are also freaking out like me. If you do, then just tell me, I won’t know until you do something about it.

I can say there is nothing more amazing that having someone to love and feeling loved in return. While loving you I began to see the beauty of the world. There is so much in my life to do but you won’t let me do anything. Life have so many useless things, you’re a reason to live. As time passes by…. I started to wish and hope that I can have you.

I really don’t know how to impress or get you. Sometimes it’s fun to have you around, shutting my friends mouth to listen what you’re talking, ignoring you, like I don’t even care that you love.. I know I’m mad, but only for you. So I don’t think I’m going to do anything about us, I think I’m just going to let it be like it is, maybe if we’re going to be together, we’ll be. Your boy is the luckiest person in the world. I wish I could kill him, I curse him so bad, but I won’t cause he makes you happy. In the end I’m going to be the real mature and just going to keep you as my dream person and don’t let reality ruin anything.

 I have really good company of friends whom I love so much, but sometimes a feministic thing is needed in life. I just wanted to say that it’s not always about getting in relationships with your crush. Sometimes they’re just there to make everything easy and enlighten you day. A crush makes you happy and kiddish, they add bright colors to your life. They’re really important to individual ones, but life is worth more than this.

My crush, I love you, I want you, I can never ask for more than you. You don’t know me, I’m no one for you, and it’s bad but YOU’LL BE THE CRUSH WHO WILL NEVER CRUSH ME.

Ignored Blood

You’re checking Facebook, you see a post, telling a little blurb about a small village in Mumbai, where 3 people are dead suddenly with a disease which was never seen before. You don’t think about it much. Next day you’re checking newspaper for some headlines, and you noticed it says, it’s not three villagers, it’s 3,000 villagers, who died overnight with some mysterious disease. You ignored it and start to work on your normal daily routine. Coming home from school/college you have food, then you go out with friends because it’s Saturday.

By Sunday morning when you get up, it’s the lead story on TV that it’s not only Mumbai, but the whole state is suffering and over 30,000 people are dead. They coined it now “Mysterious Dead”. You wake up from bed and now you’re having breakfast. Now your dad is watching news, again this “Mysterious Dead” story is on TV and then Prime Minister is making comments that he and everyone is praying and hoping that all will go well. The day passes and next day you read in newspaper that it’s not just India, it’s Pakistan, Afghanistan,  China, Iran… people are dying. It says,  some mysterious disease is spreading rapidly across the Asia which was never seen before and doctors from all over the world are trying to find the way to cure this disease.

Everyone was shocked when the government of Europe and America made an announcement that they’re closing their borders and cancelling all the flights from Asia. Now your mom and dad are worried including you.  And that’s why you’re watching local news channel before going to bed and your jaw hits your chest when newsreader says that now your city is also a victim of this mysterious disease and 177 people are already dead. You surprisingly Googled about this mysterious disease, and it’s now everywhere, Europe and America too.

You called your Best friend and you both have nothing to say. Your dad calls you in the hall to talk about this disease. He says that, we don’t know that we have this disease or not but his doctor friend told him that once you get it, it will take a week to show up symptoms that is, you’ll get flu and your skin starts to turn red, and if it happens you’ll die in next 3-4 days. Your mom hugged you tightly and everyone starts to cry.

Next day everything was close like its curfew, no buses, trains, even school and colleges are close. Roads are silent and calm. You ask your father to meet your friend he strictly denied. You put on your TV cause today Prime Minister is going to give a speech. He started with a deep sympathy for the victims, and told over 2.5 Million people are dead in the country. The whole world is suffering with this mysterious cause. After few words, he said something that enlightens your mind, he says doctors just found the cure of the disease, for that the blood of someone who is not infected is needed, so a vaccine can be made. He asks all the citizens who don’t have disease symptoms to donate their blood in the nearest hospital and check your blood for vaccine.

Your dad told you to get ready, cause you and your family is going to the hospital. You all makes your way to the hospital quickly, quietly and safely. When you and your family get down there, there is a long line and doctors and nurses are coming in and out and pricking fringes, taking blood and putting labels on it. You surprisingly see your friend and his family. You both hugged and thank god that you both are safe. Now doctors take the sample of both the families including you and your friend and told you to wait.  You, your family and friend are wondering what this happening to our world and is it the end of the world? After a while doctor came out and shocks you by saying that your friend’s blood is perfect for vaccine. He took him and his family in private, when he comes back he hugged you tightly and says good bye buddy. You asked what happened? He explains that doctor said he wants all his blood so that more people can get cured. You said he doesn’t have to do that, but he said it’s for the world, it’s not about me, I have to do it. You cried and he goes into the operation room. It was the last time when you’re seeing him. After few hours, vaccine was made and it saves you, your family and city.

It’s been 2 weeks, now everyone in your city is healthy and happy, your city have the ceremony to honor your friend and all the people whose blood helped to save all of us. You are expecting tons of people, but only 2,500 folks join the ceremony. Mostly people don’t even care to come, well come came with a pretentious smile and just pretend to care. Like they’re doing as this as a formality.

 Would you jump and say, “My best friend died, to save you people, don’t you care??” What are you feeling right now? I know how you might be feeling, maybe like the families of those 3 villagers who died at the start, and you don’t even bother to care?  Or maybe like the families of those 3,ooo villagers, who died and you still don’t care and when 30,000 people died?…

Actually I got this story while I was dreaming, only 40% was my dream, in end I save my city with my superpowers.. That’s useless, but I molded it into something that will make you think something.. Something deep.. we guys only care for the people we know, do we care about the strangers? NO.. so why would people also cares for you? I’m not saying much but you think about this 🙂

Indian Porns

Being a Porn-star is always my optional dream carrier and I’m sure, I may end up doing this thing in my life, but if I’m really going to work as a Porn-star, then its 110% sure that I’m not going to work in Indian porns. Actually, right now, India stands nowhere if we’re talking about porn things. We Indians always try to be like westerns, so why not in this field too? We’re 121 billion right now, and we’re still not able to satisfy world’s horny generation. I think we’re the only people in the world who Googles for Indian porns. This is really dope!

 World Wide Web, today its mostly about seeing nude people in your PC’s. Pornography is a huge entertainment business in todays Internet era. American porns! I mean, the real heavenly feeling (boy stuff) is watching their porn and why not! They actually do a lot of hard work , in making every single movie. Its not just a boy fucking a girl, its 3 billion dollars industry. Sometimes they make you realize its real.. I don’t know about you guys but sometimes watching a really nice HD movie feels like I am actually there… lol ,what I’m saying, true story! They actually have big movie banners who makes porn movies. They also have sets, sexy female stars, storyline, sometimes scripts, but it is useless. One of the most important thing for a Porn movie is the director, I mean these things are generally of one or few shorts, so an experienced director is really needed, so that he/she can capture the best. I really want to write name of some of my favorite female Porn-stars but I’m not going to.

Wait this blog is about Indian porns. Look, even I’m not interested in writing about this. Why don’t we people do something about this…?

You know guys, the main reason we don’t have any Indian pornographies? Because in India, watching or possessing pornographic materials is illegal, although the distribution of such materials is also illegal. Likewise, making or posting any x-rated stuffs is illegal. This is why we Indians don’t have much sex stuffs. For many reasons this is right, but this is also not right, for me, for we, Internet generation kids! I’d seen a porn first time when I was 12! It was an accident but I really liked it. I was very curious about these stuffs, I just wanted to know how these things works and I remember I had a chapter about reproduction in 6^th class, that chapter was the one which I studied with full interest and concentration in my whole student life. And now 60% of my Internet bill is because of porns. I cannot tell you how many times I’d searched for Indian porn, all I got is really creepy results. The only Indian porn site in existence is SavitaBhabi.com, and its only because they post animated porns. Wtf? This is the standard of us? Really bad!

 Well, India is not a backward country, I mean India is home of the great “Kamasutra” and I think we all know how great book it is, people still use that book feel better sexual experience. Also, have you seen Khajrao temple? Its a world heritage site, I’d seen that place and it really showcases the other side of India. If all this things are made by our ancestors, then why it is not allowed in todays India? I know the women security is a big threat in India, but the people who are interested, let them make us happy. Everyone knows pornography have a big earning potential. Meanwhile, India needs other earning options because everyone is running for a job, for better earning.

India also have a porn industry, but its very small. Generally c, d, e grade movies are considered as porn in India. They’re actually movies, but they have more uncensored adult scenes. There is a small 200 seater movie theatre in my city which plays these movies, but I never been there!.

As talking about Indian porns they’re generally home made. I mean really, Mostly its because poor girls are forced to do these stuffs and sometimes couples record their video, but boys by fraud upload them! Its really bad, but eventually this is what we got! This is not a serious blog, so lets we’ll talk about this later. Continuing on Indian porns, it generally consist of a couple and a camera, it’s just a 2-3 mega pixels mobile camera which is mostly hidden or is in boys hand. They’re mostly MMS’s. This is the main reason why people of the other countries don’t look at us! I mean quality and dedication matters. 😛

 American girls they maintain themselves like they’re really stars. They do so much on themselves, that is why they look amazing. In India 35-40 year old aunties are having sex, this is disgusting. The main thing is quality and good girls and if we got it then see how far our Indian pornography will reach. Well I know there are some famous bhabhi’s all over India and yeah, actually they’re satisfactory.

One name came out as a movement in Indian pornography is “Sonny Leone” I must say, this woman really made benchmark to rest of the world. I had seen almost every movie she’d made and my favorite part of her porn is the seductive voices she makes when…. But! the fact is she is only 20% Indian, but still somehow she will be considered as an Indian.

 You know guys why I’m saying all this? The reason to write this blog is that I really want to see porns of we Indians, I’m tired of watching foreigners fucking each other.. I want we Indians to rule the world’s porn sites. At the end I’m going to marry an Indian girl, go on a honeymoon with her, even I’m going to have sex with an Indian girl… so why should I watch American porn? It will be good for practice.

Before I end this blog, I know somethings are really serious in our country, I really apologize if some stuffs makes you uncomfortable, I want to write something light, funny and useless. This topic is most appropriate I guess, but at the same time I really want good Indian PORNS…

Thank you for reading, I know this blog is useless but still I have my hopes!

A Few words From A Smoker

Yes I smoke, I smoke daily! I have breathing problem, my shirt smells cigarettes, i don’t have money, i have black lips and one day I might get cancer and die, but still I have a cigarette in my hand while writing this blog.. Why always this world looks at me like im doing something wrong? like they don’t want me near them, just wanted me dead.

I first time smoked when I was 16, I wanted to show my friends that im not a coward and cool like them..I smoked for the first time, I was not afraid of anyone that day, I was on the top of the world. At the last of schooling, I ended up in a group which was famous and known by all , I was so proud of myself. Everyone knows me, but actually they hate me, I just knew this from start. That stupidity surprisingly gave real friends, they’re always by my side.. we’re not afraid of anyone, we still smoke together..

Once I was sitting on the side of the road, with my friend and a cigarette was in my hand, a women passed by me with her cute little son, he looked at me and smiled.. his mom pushes him away from me and said “look at this loser, he got nothing”. It was hurting, like what I’d done? 
That thing went so deep inside my heart, I still remember that day.. but my friend, he stoped that lady and said “One day your son will end up doing the same thing”! I know that was rude and disrespectful but my friend knew what he was doing! for us it was right, i mean what we’ad did, what is the need to say that, i’ll never forgive that lady!. My friend tought me so much, he really didn’t care what people say to him, he just gave it back to them, he is alone, his mom-dad died in an accident. He is my best Friend, he gives me strength everyday. I really don’t know why I shared this story, but we do have a life, goals, friends, or say the true one..

People are always like.. Please don’t smoke! leave it its bad! You’re hopeless! You’ll die oneday! for him! For her! Leave smoking.. !! They always want me to stay away from cigarettes. Like they care, well some may do! But instead why don’t they ask.. Why you smoke? What’re your problems? You need help? As a matter of fact no one ever asked me or any of my friend this. 
Do they really care? Actually I really don’t need any of this, I got my life, my people who really care for me, even though they’re very few!

Once I loved a girl so badly, I thought she was the one, I loved to spending time with her, we had no secrets so I decided to tell her I smoke, I told her! The next day she blocked me everywhere, boycotted me in every way possible, she gets, without even understanding me, my things, she left me.. people really think that we need their love, company or other stuffs.. but FUCK that, I just want them away. I don’t want them dead. Just want away from me!

Good People! think we smokers live in the dark, we’re hopeless and boring, just waiting to die, but I want to tell them actually we have better life. We actually don’t wear fake disguise to show people how Perfect we are, like really!!

You know why im talking about all this? Im just a teenager, I have a really nice life, friends and family, I live in a healthy and happy society, a perfect environment! but my friends don’t, I see people mocking them, saying harsh things, like they’re animals!
I mean we know what we’re doing, what is good or bad we know, its our choice to do what we want. Don’t treat us like goner, what we’d done? Did we raped someone? Or robbed you? Or we’re just criminals? Terrorists? Ha?

Why you guys look at us like we’re killing someone, but actually.. you guys are killing us more then these cigarettes can!! Did you people even try to understand us? We just smoke! not a big deal, just open the windows of your heart for us :)) Its bad we admit, but we’re not pushing you guys to do the same. We just want love and respect!

My friends were reading this while I was writing, they just hugged me so tight because they had never seen me serious like this…