I Know

I know that you’re happy,
I know that’s a fake smile,
Smile just to show me you don’t care,
About me, about us, What we had once,
I know you’re not happy,
You told me it’s for my good,
To make me a man,
Someone you always wanted.

I know you still love me,
You can lie, don’t care about me,
But your eyes never lie,
I know you tried to keep me away,
Cause I always make troubles,
I know everything you’ve done,
Just to make me responsible,
It’s my breaking point,
All those moments we had,
Striking my heart like a bullet.

I know how you’re,
Since we fell apart,
Since you told me we’re not working out,
Since our heart split, Into two pieces,
One yours, one mine,
What Am I supposed to do,
With this half broken heart?
I want you, my other half,
Cause this love is worth it.

I know deserve a life I know you’re the reason,
My bones are weak now,
I can’t stand the joy,
I can’t stand the happiness,
You can fool your heart,
But mine is not listening to me,
Like a little kid graving for toy,
I’m craving for my life,
I don’t want anything, just you.

Life Saver

If my life would’ve been perfect,
A happy shit,
This ciggerate wouldn’t have been in my hands,
But it is, like for years,
I don’t know,
Where my life is going right now?
This takes me higher,
Allows me to forget everything,
Forget that I’m a mess,
It gives me a satisfaction,
That im killing myself,
And one day I’ll quit it,
Not ciggerate but my life,
The sweetest poison I ever found,
But I’m no goner,
Or maybe I’m, yes I’m,
But I blame you,
Whenever I smoke, I think of you,
I’m not addicted to cigarettes,
I’m addicted to you,
Filter in my mouth,
I forget you, your memories,
So many sad stories about us,
Lost somewhere in smoke,
One fag, two fag,
Life is good,
My shirt, skin, hands smells ciggerate, I love it, that’s me,
I remember those people,
Who helped me to get cigarettes,
When I was 14,
They’re my life saviour,
Somehow I would’ve died right now,
Because I’m not good with pain,
This cloud of smoke,
This is my heaven,
Filled with bad memories,
I poisoned my soul,
Destroyed myself from inside,
Fag gives me wings to fly,
When I feel down, lost in myself,
The orange light glowing in my ash try,
Shows me the light, a hope,
All you ask is why I’m smoking?
Why don’t you notice my pain,
I’m not a good actor,
I’m alone, hurt, half dead,
But still I have my pride,
I thought you’d hold my hand,
Throw away that ciggerate,
I never believed in god,
I believed in you,
All waste, living my hard life,
I’m so done with good and happy things,
Now I’m afraid of hopes,
Where is my lighter?
I used to be a good boy,
Now I’m a devil, inside a teenager,
No more trying, just let it go,
Inhale, exhale,
Taking it slow, it’s so relaxing,
I’m waiting here, if you can find me,
Someone who can save me from myself.

Ignored Blood

Ignored Blood

These poems are really personal to me. There is something going inside of me that I also don't know, but it's deep and heavy. It's just that I can't tell people around me what I'm going through, so I decided to somehow put them out. I'm not a writer and I never wrote these things before. I'm not good with words but I hope I justify my emotions through this book.
The book is available on Wattpad.
Thank you for your support.

Nights

It’s 3AM,
Trying to sleep,
But I can’t,
Pillow, wet from my tears,
Heavy thoughts,
Running inside my head,
Wondering what to do?
With this Hopeless life,
I got everything,
But still I have nothing.

Nobody to call,
Nobody to talk,
Nobody to miss,
All this loneliness,
It hurts,
I’m just a man,
With emotions,
I just need love.

You, everyone,
Ignoring me,
It’s clear to see,
When this night will pass,
I don’t like this darkness,
But it’s all I got,
Sleeping with lights on,
Atleast for no dark.

This bed is for two,
It never had this empty side,
This side reminds me of you,
You were the drug,
That got me through everything,
I hope you’re missing me too,
I hope something reminds you of me.

I can hear dog’s bark,
This calmness,
My red eyes, tears,
This happens Everynight,
To the people with no goals,
I’m losing myself,
Talking to myself,
Waiting my life,
Alone in this bed.

Fan, on the sealing,
Flying the smoke away,
This ciggerate is about to end,
Time is moving slowly,
I have no pain,
Just filled with so many emotions,
Why I’m so emotional.

Laying down on my bed,
Thinking what I did today,
What to do tomorrow,
I don’t have to cry,
I have to be happy,
Time will get better,
Someday I will not sleep alone.

Ignored Blood..
A poetry collection, on WATTPAD.

Empty

image

Eyes, can’t see anything,
Ears, no voice to hear,
Hands, always shivering,
Heart, just a stone,
Lips, scared of words,
Viens, black blood,
Leg, always running,
Lungs, filled with smoke,
Wrist, marks of cutting,
Fingers, pointing towards me,
Skin, no feeling,
Face, a devil’s shade,
Chest, 1 2 3, count my ribs,
Brain, out of thoughts,
My body, a stuffed toy,
No feelings, emotions, just empty.

Life, like an autumn tree,
No leaves, no birds,
Dead calmness, dry and lonely,
No children playing, rough,
Cut me into pieces,
Get a saw through me,
Feel my black dark blood,
Life like a prison, a poison,
Everyday, cold day,
Everynight, lost night,
Giving every single inch of me,
Watching from far away,
Scared to play, always afraid,
No dreams, lost in dark.
Finding a life, a purpose,
Need someone to show who I could be.

I’m invisible, they can’t see me,
But I’m standing here,
Tears falling down form my face,
Heart with holes, Broken me,
Want to feel the mist of rain,
Cold of winter, touch of someone,
Trying to find a friend, to play,
A picture perfect life, I never dreamed of,
Just in case dreams comes true,
Continuous struggle, a dope kid,
Missing what I never had, happiness,
Broken bones, bruised skin,
Why I’m still alive? did what takes to die,
Can I turn the clock back to start,
So I can never get to be here,
In this lifeless empty world…

Be My Light

image

I’m on my way, way to touch the sky,
Sky, like it was always there, few steps away,
With the light I always needed, a hope,
But I’m a failure, cause darkness is my friend.

Dark is always around me, push me up,
Need your hands, your warm hug, a help,
I’m so alone and thirsty, like it’s my life,
life that needs someone, don’t know where to turn.

I hope you’re my angel, a perfect chance,
Chance to get through it, I’m ready for the light,
A light from somewhere right there, from you,
You were suppose to comfort me, I’m still in the dark.

Guide me with the light of love, how to love,
I forgot what it is, cause no one is here,
Why anyone will be with me, in this dark world,
I don’t want to be afraid, I want to feel myself.

You’re an enemy, from this beautiful city,
Everyone’s perfect, why not me? Me?
I lost my way, please let me in, in your world,
I know in your heart, you won’t let me in, but please.

It’s my darkest hour, day, fuck it’s my life,
It had me down on my knees, call me, shit,
Sit down with me, talk to me, I’m funny,
Funny, humorous, like your friends, just try.

I’m broken, bruised, why you’re pouring salt,
It hurts, I’m like you, like them somehow, yes!
Be my hero, make me alive, touch me,
You’re looking at me, how, I don’t know what to do.

My heartbeat, you’re walking towards me,
So close, chills and you hold my hands,
You’re finally here, I can see the light, mystery,
Where were you for so long, It’s ok, no more pain.

Finally I’m happy, happening life, light,
We’re perfect, no more games with my heart,
Wait, where are you going, stop, no!
You’re done with me? Few moment happiness.

I hate you, you used me like I’m no human,
You didn’t even turned once, I’m a waste now? Sure,
You were my sunshine, after this cold night,
You’re so beautiful, but now I know who you are.

I’m crying, catching every tear drops from my eyes,
One two three, you have to pay for this,
I’m not made of stones, my skin is thicker now,
You can break me like a glass, go on, I’m ready.

Revenge, that’s all that is left, my time is here,
Silence has to end, sledgehammer, your head,
What the hell I’ve done, please come back,
No, darkness made me do this, use me again.

Those were the perfect moments I had, you gave me joy,
You were the enemy, used me, dumped me,
I thought I can make through this dark, I’m a fool,
I destroyed everything, hello my dark empty life.

Why I’m alone, I deserve it, no more hopes,
This mirror, why it’s not lying, like always,
Hiding my pain, a fake smile on my face, it’s gone,
My best friend, my mirror also turned his back.

20 years, inside war, hollow heart, hopeless,
I can see the light, light of heaven, this is real,
End of life, I’m leaving my dark life, coming to you,
No one is here to burn my body, ugly truth.

At last, I finally found it, the light, a friend,
You forgave me, I killed you, the blood, tears,
My life was a waste, I got my life, it’s crazy,
I don’t deserve this heaven, but im here.…

I Can…

image

I can cry, so that you can smile,
I can break, to make you strong,
I can make money, so that you can spend,
I can do anything, to make you stay.

I can be a joker, to make you laugh,
I can be in dark, so that you can shine,
I can be wrong, to make you right,
I can be anyone, to make you stay.

I’m dying here in dark, just need your shine,
Want to be something, something to you,
Something that make my weight, to hold you,
Once I get you, this time no regrets,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can survive thorns, so that you can sleep,
I can survive nightmares, so that you have your dreams,
I can survive any pain, so that you can enjoy,
I can survive anything, to make you stay.

I can be a stranger, to make a new start,
I can be a lawyer, to take your stands,
I can be the fire, to keep you warm,
I cannot be a goner, cause I can make you stay.

No more same mistakes, thats a promise I do,
Promise to keep you alive, while I was dying,
You left a mark on me, can’t get over you,
You’re a sweet poison, like a ciggerate,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can kill him, to get your each smell,
I can pull up every weapon, to make you mine,
I can take your freedom, to take your breath,
I can ignore every guilt, cause I can’t lose you.

But I’m losing myself, being weak, getting afraid,
Everything is not perfect, it has to be, like you,
Broken glass on the floor, like it’s my heart,
Trying to compete with everyone else, no use,
I need to change my ways, stop living a lie.

No more waste of emotions, waste of life,
But you’re my smile, what to do without you,
He is your gentleman, maybe your tears is a lie,
Show me something real, so that I that can run far far away,
You got your way of speaking, I don’t know what to believe in.

I can make mistakes, so that you can learn,
But my mistakes are getting waste, like hell,
I’m getting scars, emotionless, a dark is around me.
I want you to be my best mistake, I’m here,
My hand is ready to hold your hand, can we please make love?