I Know

I know that you’re happy,
I know that’s a fake smile,
Smile just to show me you don’t care,
About me, about us, What we had once,
I know you’re not happy,
You told me it’s for my good,
To make me a man,
Someone you always wanted.

I know you still love me,
You can lie, don’t care about me,
But your eyes never lie,
I know you tried to keep me away,
Cause I always make troubles,
I know everything you’ve done,
Just to make me responsible,
It’s my breaking point,
All those moments we had,
Striking my heart like a bullet.

I know how you’re,
Since we fell apart,
Since you told me we’re not working out,
Since our heart split, Into two pieces,
One yours, one mine,
What Am I supposed to do,
With this half broken heart?
I want you, my other half,
Cause this love is worth it.

I know deserve a life I know you’re the reason,
My bones are weak now,
I can’t stand the joy,
I can’t stand the happiness,
You can fool your heart,
But mine is not listening to me,
Like a little kid graving for toy,
I’m craving for my life,
I don’t want anything, just you.

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I Can…

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I can cry, so that you can smile,
I can break, to make you strong,
I can make money, so that you can spend,
I can do anything, to make you stay.

I can be a joker, to make you laugh,
I can be in dark, so that you can shine,
I can be wrong, to make you right,
I can be anyone, to make you stay.

I’m dying here in dark, just need your shine,
Want to be something, something to you,
Something that make my weight, to hold you,
Once I get you, this time no regrets,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can survive thorns, so that you can sleep,
I can survive nightmares, so that you have your dreams,
I can survive any pain, so that you can enjoy,
I can survive anything, to make you stay.

I can be a stranger, to make a new start,
I can be a lawyer, to take your stands,
I can be the fire, to keep you warm,
I cannot be a goner, cause I can make you stay.

No more same mistakes, thats a promise I do,
Promise to keep you alive, while I was dying,
You left a mark on me, can’t get over you,
You’re a sweet poison, like a ciggerate,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can kill him, to get your each smell,
I can pull up every weapon, to make you mine,
I can take your freedom, to take your breath,
I can ignore every guilt, cause I can’t lose you.

But I’m losing myself, being weak, getting afraid,
Everything is not perfect, it has to be, like you,
Broken glass on the floor, like it’s my heart,
Trying to compete with everyone else, no use,
I need to change my ways, stop living a lie.

No more waste of emotions, waste of life,
But you’re my smile, what to do without you,
He is your gentleman, maybe your tears is a lie,
Show me something real, so that I that can run far far away,
You got your way of speaking, I don’t know what to believe in.

I can make mistakes, so that you can learn,
But my mistakes are getting waste, like hell,
I’m getting scars, emotionless, a dark is around me.
I want you to be my best mistake, I’m here,
My hand is ready to hold your hand, can we please make love?

A Few words From A Smoker

Yes I smoke, I smoke daily! I have breathing problem, my shirt smells cigarettes, i don’t have money, i have black lips and one day I might get cancer and die, but still I have a cigarette in my hand while writing this blog.. Why always this world looks at me like im doing something wrong? like they don’t want me near them, just wanted me dead.

I first time smoked when I was 16, I wanted to show my friends that im not a coward and cool like them..I smoked for the first time, I was not afraid of anyone that day, I was on the top of the world. At the last of schooling, I ended up in a group which was famous and known by all , I was so proud of myself. Everyone knows me, but actually they hate me, I just knew this from start. That stupidity surprisingly gave real friends, they’re always by my side.. we’re not afraid of anyone, we still smoke together..

Once I was sitting on the side of the road, with my friend and a cigarette was in my hand, a women passed by me with her cute little son, he looked at me and smiled.. his mom pushes him away from me and said “look at this loser, he got nothing”. It was hurting, like what I’d done? 
That thing went so deep inside my heart, I still remember that day.. but my friend, he stoped that lady and said “One day your son will end up doing the same thing”! I know that was rude and disrespectful but my friend knew what he was doing! for us it was right, i mean what we’ad did, what is the need to say that, i’ll never forgive that lady!. My friend tought me so much, he really didn’t care what people say to him, he just gave it back to them, he is alone, his mom-dad died in an accident. He is my best Friend, he gives me strength everyday. I really don’t know why I shared this story, but we do have a life, goals, friends, or say the true one..

People are always like.. Please don’t smoke! leave it its bad! You’re hopeless! You’ll die oneday! for him! For her! Leave smoking.. !! They always want me to stay away from cigarettes. Like they care, well some may do! But instead why don’t they ask.. Why you smoke? What’re your problems? You need help? As a matter of fact no one ever asked me or any of my friend this. 
Do they really care? Actually I really don’t need any of this, I got my life, my people who really care for me, even though they’re very few!

Once I loved a girl so badly, I thought she was the one, I loved to spending time with her, we had no secrets so I decided to tell her I smoke, I told her! The next day she blocked me everywhere, boycotted me in every way possible, she gets, without even understanding me, my things, she left me.. people really think that we need their love, company or other stuffs.. but FUCK that, I just want them away. I don’t want them dead. Just want away from me!

Good People! think we smokers live in the dark, we’re hopeless and boring, just waiting to die, but I want to tell them actually we have better life. We actually don’t wear fake disguise to show people how Perfect we are, like really!!

You know why im talking about all this? Im just a teenager, I have a really nice life, friends and family, I live in a healthy and happy society, a perfect environment! but my friends don’t, I see people mocking them, saying harsh things, like they’re animals!
I mean we know what we’re doing, what is good or bad we know, its our choice to do what we want. Don’t treat us like goner, what we’d done? Did we raped someone? Or robbed you? Or we’re just criminals? Terrorists? Ha?

Why you guys look at us like we’re killing someone, but actually.. you guys are killing us more then these cigarettes can!! Did you people even try to understand us? We just smoke! not a big deal, just open the windows of your heart for us :)) Its bad we admit, but we’re not pushing you guys to do the same. We just want love and respect!

My friends were reading this while I was writing, they just hugged me so tight because they had never seen me serious like this…