Life Saver

If my life would’ve been perfect,
A happy shit,
This ciggerate wouldn’t have been in my hands,
But it is, like for years,
I don’t know,
Where my life is going right now?
This takes me higher,
Allows me to forget everything,
Forget that I’m a mess,
It gives me a satisfaction,
That im killing myself,
And one day I’ll quit it,
Not ciggerate but my life,
The sweetest poison I ever found,
But I’m no goner,
Or maybe I’m, yes I’m,
But I blame you,
Whenever I smoke, I think of you,
I’m not addicted to cigarettes,
I’m addicted to you,
Filter in my mouth,
I forget you, your memories,
So many sad stories about us,
Lost somewhere in smoke,
One fag, two fag,
Life is good,
My shirt, skin, hands smells ciggerate, I love it, that’s me,
I remember those people,
Who helped me to get cigarettes,
When I was 14,
They’re my life saviour,
Somehow I would’ve died right now,
Because I’m not good with pain,
This cloud of smoke,
This is my heaven,
Filled with bad memories,
I poisoned my soul,
Destroyed myself from inside,
Fag gives me wings to fly,
When I feel down, lost in myself,
The orange light glowing in my ash try,
Shows me the light, a hope,
All you ask is why I’m smoking?
Why don’t you notice my pain,
I’m not a good actor,
I’m alone, hurt, half dead,
But still I have my pride,
I thought you’d hold my hand,
Throw away that ciggerate,
I never believed in god,
I believed in you,
All waste, living my hard life,
I’m so done with good and happy things,
Now I’m afraid of hopes,
Where is my lighter?
I used to be a good boy,
Now I’m a devil, inside a teenager,
No more trying, just let it go,
Inhale, exhale,
Taking it slow, it’s so relaxing,
I’m waiting here, if you can find me,
Someone who can save me from myself.

Ignored Blood

A Few words From A Smoker

Yes I smoke, I smoke daily! I have breathing problem, my shirt smells cigarettes, i don’t have money, i have black lips and one day I might get cancer and die, but still I have a cigarette in my hand while writing this blog.. Why always this world looks at me like im doing something wrong? like they don’t want me near them, just wanted me dead.

I first time smoked when I was 16, I wanted to show my friends that im not a coward and cool like them..I smoked for the first time, I was not afraid of anyone that day, I was on the top of the world. At the last of schooling, I ended up in a group which was famous and known by all , I was so proud of myself. Everyone knows me, but actually they hate me, I just knew this from start. That stupidity surprisingly gave real friends, they’re always by my side.. we’re not afraid of anyone, we still smoke together..

Once I was sitting on the side of the road, with my friend and a cigarette was in my hand, a women passed by me with her cute little son, he looked at me and smiled.. his mom pushes him away from me and said “look at this loser, he got nothing”. It was hurting, like what I’d done? 
That thing went so deep inside my heart, I still remember that day.. but my friend, he stoped that lady and said “One day your son will end up doing the same thing”! I know that was rude and disrespectful but my friend knew what he was doing! for us it was right, i mean what we’ad did, what is the need to say that, i’ll never forgive that lady!. My friend tought me so much, he really didn’t care what people say to him, he just gave it back to them, he is alone, his mom-dad died in an accident. He is my best Friend, he gives me strength everyday. I really don’t know why I shared this story, but we do have a life, goals, friends, or say the true one..

People are always like.. Please don’t smoke! leave it its bad! You’re hopeless! You’ll die oneday! for him! For her! Leave smoking.. !! They always want me to stay away from cigarettes. Like they care, well some may do! But instead why don’t they ask.. Why you smoke? What’re your problems? You need help? As a matter of fact no one ever asked me or any of my friend this. 
Do they really care? Actually I really don’t need any of this, I got my life, my people who really care for me, even though they’re very few!

Once I loved a girl so badly, I thought she was the one, I loved to spending time with her, we had no secrets so I decided to tell her I smoke, I told her! The next day she blocked me everywhere, boycotted me in every way possible, she gets, without even understanding me, my things, she left me.. people really think that we need their love, company or other stuffs.. but FUCK that, I just want them away. I don’t want them dead. Just want away from me!

Good People! think we smokers live in the dark, we’re hopeless and boring, just waiting to die, but I want to tell them actually we have better life. We actually don’t wear fake disguise to show people how Perfect we are, like really!!

You know why im talking about all this? Im just a teenager, I have a really nice life, friends and family, I live in a healthy and happy society, a perfect environment! but my friends don’t, I see people mocking them, saying harsh things, like they’re animals!
I mean we know what we’re doing, what is good or bad we know, its our choice to do what we want. Don’t treat us like goner, what we’d done? Did we raped someone? Or robbed you? Or we’re just criminals? Terrorists? Ha?

Why you guys look at us like we’re killing someone, but actually.. you guys are killing us more then these cigarettes can!! Did you people even try to understand us? We just smoke! not a big deal, just open the windows of your heart for us :)) Its bad we admit, but we’re not pushing you guys to do the same. We just want love and respect!

My friends were reading this while I was writing, they just hugged me so tight because they had never seen me serious like this…