Another Chance Wasted

I hope this fan endures my weight,
This rope doesn’t break,
When I hang on it,
This heavy chair,
Displaces when I push it,
My heartbeat, body,
Never felt so high,
A dead calmness,
Noose around my neck,
Ready to die,
Ready to escape,
I can feel the death,
Black, dark, dope,
Spreading his arms,
To welcome me,
I’m a little afraid,
This is the moment I was waiting for,
These beautiful people,
Think I’m a happy man,
They got me on my knees,
They say I better watch myself,
Fuck this bad mean world,
Why I’m not killing me?
This rope is waiting for me,
I’m a coward,
Another chance Wasted.

I told my mom that I’m going out,
She didn’t asked where I’m going?
My sweet mom,
Thinks I’ll be back in few hours,
Sorry mom, I can’t live like this,
Sorry that I never told you,
What I’m going through,
I don’t want to hurt you.

I walked to the nearest station,
To try my luck,
This time a final goodbye,
I’m crying like hell,
My throat feels sore,
My face turns red,
Sobbing because of my feelings,
Took a deep breath,
Laid down on the track,
Wind is blowing real fast,
Touching my tears,
Waiting for the train,
I can hear the horn,
These tracks start shaking,
A weird excitement,
The train passes me by,
From other track,
It’s been 2 hours,
Why the fuck this train is not coming,
Crying for myself,
Another chance Wasted.

It’s hard to realise,
Why I’m so upset,
Sitting on the floor,
Crying so much more,
I’m a loser,
I got teased from head to toe,
Sometimes I feel I’m afraid of happiness,
I deserve this pain,
A story behind every tear,
How long do I have to live?
Why someone will love me,
A boy with disturbing life,
Hideous myself.

I was finding my books,
And I found ratkill,
I feel sorry for all the rats,
That this cube had killed them,
I’m sure their life would be much better,
Better then mine, worth living,
Holding this ratkill,
Wondering how to eat,
I fill the glass with water,
Almost ready to taste this,
Son! Oh is that my mom’s voice?
Oh no I’m busted,
She’s gonna be so mad at me,
But mom is smiling,
She rubbed my shoulder,
Thanked me for finding ratkill,
Cause there are so many rats in the house,
I wish I could be a rat,
Atleast there would be a guarantee,
Guarantee of death,
Another chance Wasted.

I’m standing at the edge of my patience,
I can’t hold it anymore,
Everyday the same losses,
Thinking why to waste words,
Why to waste breath,
Why to waste emotions,
Why to waste life,
No one knows who I’m,
I’m not the person you think you see,
Cause I’ve got demons inside of me,
I may have a smile on my lips,
But broken heart inside.

One last time,
Blade in my hands,
I saw this on tv,
Easiest way to die,
This blade will erase all my pain,
Pushed blade against my skin,
Deep red blood, flowing away through from my wrist,
I finally made it, this will be the end,
The final tear I cry,
The final thought,
I wanna die, my soul is so old,
I can’t move my hand,
Laying down on the floor,
Death welcoming me with open arms,
Oh boy death is so charming,
Nobody loves me anymore,
After a few days I wake up,
Nurse is changing bandage,
I’m alive,
Another chance Wasted.

I Know

I know that you’re happy,
I know that’s a fake smile,
Smile just to show me you don’t care,
About me, about us, What we had once,
I know you’re not happy,
You told me it’s for my good,
To make me a man,
Someone you always wanted.

I know you still love me,
You can lie, don’t care about me,
But your eyes never lie,
I know you tried to keep me away,
Cause I always make troubles,
I know everything you’ve done,
Just to make me responsible,
It’s my breaking point,
All those moments we had,
Striking my heart like a bullet.

I know how you’re,
Since we fell apart,
Since you told me we’re not working out,
Since our heart split, Into two pieces,
One yours, one mine,
What Am I supposed to do,
With this half broken heart?
I want you, my other half,
Cause this love is worth it.

I know deserve a life I know you’re the reason,
My bones are weak now,
I can’t stand the joy,
I can’t stand the happiness,
You can fool your heart,
But mine is not listening to me,
Like a little kid graving for toy,
I’m craving for my life,
I don’t want anything, just you.

Empty

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Eyes, can’t see anything,
Ears, no voice to hear,
Hands, always shivering,
Heart, just a stone,
Lips, scared of words,
Viens, black blood,
Leg, always running,
Lungs, filled with smoke,
Wrist, marks of cutting,
Fingers, pointing towards me,
Skin, no feeling,
Face, a devil’s shade,
Chest, 1 2 3, count my ribs,
Brain, out of thoughts,
My body, a stuffed toy,
No feelings, emotions, just empty.

Life, like an autumn tree,
No leaves, no birds,
Dead calmness, dry and lonely,
No children playing, rough,
Cut me into pieces,
Get a saw through me,
Feel my black dark blood,
Life like a prison, a poison,
Everyday, cold day,
Everynight, lost night,
Giving every single inch of me,
Watching from far away,
Scared to play, always afraid,
No dreams, lost in dark.
Finding a life, a purpose,
Need someone to show who I could be.

I’m invisible, they can’t see me,
But I’m standing here,
Tears falling down form my face,
Heart with holes, Broken me,
Want to feel the mist of rain,
Cold of winter, touch of someone,
Trying to find a friend, to play,
A picture perfect life, I never dreamed of,
Just in case dreams comes true,
Continuous struggle, a dope kid,
Missing what I never had, happiness,
Broken bones, bruised skin,
Why I’m still alive? did what takes to die,
Can I turn the clock back to start,
So I can never get to be here,
In this lifeless empty world…

Be My Light

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I’m on my way, way to touch the sky,
Sky, like it was always there, few steps away,
With the light I always needed, a hope,
But I’m a failure, cause darkness is my friend.

Dark is always around me, push me up,
Need your hands, your warm hug, a help,
I’m so alone and thirsty, like it’s my life,
life that needs someone, don’t know where to turn.

I hope you’re my angel, a perfect chance,
Chance to get through it, I’m ready for the light,
A light from somewhere right there, from you,
You were suppose to comfort me, I’m still in the dark.

Guide me with the light of love, how to love,
I forgot what it is, cause no one is here,
Why anyone will be with me, in this dark world,
I don’t want to be afraid, I want to feel myself.

You’re an enemy, from this beautiful city,
Everyone’s perfect, why not me? Me?
I lost my way, please let me in, in your world,
I know in your heart, you won’t let me in, but please.

It’s my darkest hour, day, fuck it’s my life,
It had me down on my knees, call me, shit,
Sit down with me, talk to me, I’m funny,
Funny, humorous, like your friends, just try.

I’m broken, bruised, why you’re pouring salt,
It hurts, I’m like you, like them somehow, yes!
Be my hero, make me alive, touch me,
You’re looking at me, how, I don’t know what to do.

My heartbeat, you’re walking towards me,
So close, chills and you hold my hands,
You’re finally here, I can see the light, mystery,
Where were you for so long, It’s ok, no more pain.

Finally I’m happy, happening life, light,
We’re perfect, no more games with my heart,
Wait, where are you going, stop, no!
You’re done with me? Few moment happiness.

I hate you, you used me like I’m no human,
You didn’t even turned once, I’m a waste now? Sure,
You were my sunshine, after this cold night,
You’re so beautiful, but now I know who you are.

I’m crying, catching every tear drops from my eyes,
One two three, you have to pay for this,
I’m not made of stones, my skin is thicker now,
You can break me like a glass, go on, I’m ready.

Revenge, that’s all that is left, my time is here,
Silence has to end, sledgehammer, your head,
What the hell I’ve done, please come back,
No, darkness made me do this, use me again.

Those were the perfect moments I had, you gave me joy,
You were the enemy, used me, dumped me,
I thought I can make through this dark, I’m a fool,
I destroyed everything, hello my dark empty life.

Why I’m alone, I deserve it, no more hopes,
This mirror, why it’s not lying, like always,
Hiding my pain, a fake smile on my face, it’s gone,
My best friend, my mirror also turned his back.

20 years, inside war, hollow heart, hopeless,
I can see the light, light of heaven, this is real,
End of life, I’m leaving my dark life, coming to you,
No one is here to burn my body, ugly truth.

At last, I finally found it, the light, a friend,
You forgave me, I killed you, the blood, tears,
My life was a waste, I got my life, it’s crazy,
I don’t deserve this heaven, but im here.…

I Can…

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I can cry, so that you can smile,
I can break, to make you strong,
I can make money, so that you can spend,
I can do anything, to make you stay.

I can be a joker, to make you laugh,
I can be in dark, so that you can shine,
I can be wrong, to make you right,
I can be anyone, to make you stay.

I’m dying here in dark, just need your shine,
Want to be something, something to you,
Something that make my weight, to hold you,
Once I get you, this time no regrets,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can survive thorns, so that you can sleep,
I can survive nightmares, so that you have your dreams,
I can survive any pain, so that you can enjoy,
I can survive anything, to make you stay.

I can be a stranger, to make a new start,
I can be a lawyer, to take your stands,
I can be the fire, to keep you warm,
I cannot be a goner, cause I can make you stay.

No more same mistakes, thats a promise I do,
Promise to keep you alive, while I was dying,
You left a mark on me, can’t get over you,
You’re a sweet poison, like a ciggerate,
Cause I’m all bad, and you’re just all right.

I can kill him, to get your each smell,
I can pull up every weapon, to make you mine,
I can take your freedom, to take your breath,
I can ignore every guilt, cause I can’t lose you.

But I’m losing myself, being weak, getting afraid,
Everything is not perfect, it has to be, like you,
Broken glass on the floor, like it’s my heart,
Trying to compete with everyone else, no use,
I need to change my ways, stop living a lie.

No more waste of emotions, waste of life,
But you’re my smile, what to do without you,
He is your gentleman, maybe your tears is a lie,
Show me something real, so that I that can run far far away,
You got your way of speaking, I don’t know what to believe in.

I can make mistakes, so that you can learn,
But my mistakes are getting waste, like hell,
I’m getting scars, emotionless, a dark is around me.
I want you to be my best mistake, I’m here,
My hand is ready to hold your hand, can we please make love?